The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. In the '60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab.

So after serving overseas for 6 months a soldier calls home... ...his brother picks up the phone, they say their hellos and ask how each other are doing. The soldier then asks how everything is with the rest of the family. The brother says, ""Well, the cat died."" The soldier is shocked by this and answers, ""You can't just drop that on me, you need to ease me into it! Start by saying 'Fluffy got on the roof the other day' then 'Fluffy fell' and 'Fluffy didn't make it. The brother responds, ""Al…

Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.

Bird of peace? The dove Bird of war? The hawk Bird of true love? ..wait for it... .... The swallow *walks offstage