Technology Jokes

If I ever lose my phone I want Liam Neeson looking for it

My psychiatrist is mad at me, told him I could hear people but couldn't see them...he said when does this happen...I said over the phone

There's an app to show who's unfollowed you lately? Damn, that sounds depressing. If my number drops I just assume it's because they died.

I really wish my coworker would stop asking me so many god damn work related questions while I'm staring at my phone

I've been clicking "remind me later" on this work software update for 2 years when is he going to get the hint that I'm not interested?

My phone dies, freeing me from my prison. I look up at the world. Deer live in my house.

Whenever I'm nervous on a business call, I just envision the person on the other end of the phone as a muppet.

#1: Checking your phone after someone else pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation.

My cat knocked my phone into the toilet so now I have to shop for a new cat.

[starbucks] me: can i take some wifi home with me? barista: um. sure(?) me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks.

Last night,my friend changed all my contacts in my phone.I've been texted by Batman Donatello,Hermione Granger.I have no idea who they are.

[Murderer in the middle of murdering me] Can you put your phone down for 2 seconds while I'm murdering you I mean really

*Makes typo* *Deletes tweet* *Deletes account* *Destroys computer* *Changes name* *Moves to Pakistan* *Opens a curry shop*

*Takes out phone & plays Cindi Lauper's True Colors as you reach for the last slice of pizza without asking*

*phone rings* Yoda: Yoda Luke: WTF VADER'S MY DAD? Y: Uh L: And you knew & told me to kill him? Y: L: Y: Going thru a tunnel I am *hangs up*

Reasons he didn't text you: - He forgot. - He fell asleep. - His phone died. - His pet died. - His GF died. - He died. - He thinks you died.

It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they're like, "thank you for choosing Domino's."

The day you can post smells on the Internet will be the worst/best day ever

FACT: The internet was invented to globalize complaining.

"my favorite bon jovi song? oh its definitely the one where it sounds like a computer is trying to talk while burping"

Honey, look what I found on our son's computer *opens folder of walkthroughs, wife starts sobbing* I'm calling the police

One time my mom dropped her phone while she was talking to me then picked it up and said "You OK?"

To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again.

The phrase "A stone's throw" has been discontinued. Please use "In Wifi range" from now on.

*gets crushed by a bus* *checks to see if phone is intact*