Technology Jokes

I don't get why you have to call my wife *librarian ignores me while on phone* "your husband is here trying to check out a book about ramps"

Perfect one night stand: Amish person. No internet access. No phones. In the heat of passion they'll whisper the secret to apple butter.

*slides $5 to the funeral director* Maybe you can get me the widow's phone number?

i wonder how many time-travelers accidemtaly went back in time instead of forward but then saw a knight & thought "wow look at this robot!!"

and on the 8th day, god created a website for u to meet the hot christian singles in ur area

hehe everyone thinks I'm reading something on my phone but really I'm trapped in the prison of my own mind

I joined snapchat yesterday; apparently my phone doesn't die fast enough for my liking.

Cute Internet Girl: This guy is pretty funny, I think I'll fol- Me: *Human Cannonballs my way into her living room* HELLO!

It's a beautiful day to sit outside and stare into your phone.

At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that's not my wifes phone number at all. She's zero fun today

Wife: Who is it? Me [hand over phone]: The police, they say it's now illegal to fake throw a ball Dog in other room: [hangs up his phone]

Ever think about an old friend and wonder what they're doing right now? They're playing on their phone. Everyone is playing on their phone.

Hey cell phone companies, I can't think of a more terrifying selling point than "Unlimited Talk."

*burglar breaks in* *i reach into my nightstand drawer, get my phone, & take his picture* Burglar: No I have a double chin! Me: I'll post it

Someone needs to introduce the people still requesting songs on the radio to the Internet...

Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA put a man on the moon. We put a bird into pigs.

I'm the kind of guy who brings his phone charger to the party.

My home phone rang. Weird.

Someone just suggested that I use Mapquest. I suggested that he use a rotary phone.

I get a new phone every year just so my friends don't think I'm lying when I tell them I've lost their number Avoidance is expensive

Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"

I wish they had an app that allows you to delete your number from other ppl's phones.

Million dollar idea: Dating website for leopards called Connect the Dots

It weirds me out my phone won't swear. What, is it religious?

I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote "dentists are liars" into my phone. Not really sure what the plan is with that.