Technology Jokes

The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone

I could never be on a reality show because I wouldn't want my mom to see the faces I make when I talk to her on the phone.

Thanks for yelling at me and calling me names on the internet. I have the same opinion as you do now

I typed something into Google on my phone then held it to my ear. I felt stupid at first, but now I'm kinda mad that that doesn't work.

"This website requires Java" *gets cup of coffee* "This website requires Java" *looks at coffee* *throws coffee at monitor*

Nice try, private caller. I don't answer the phone if I know you either.

So maybe downloading the ruler app to measure the snow wasn't such a great idea

[on phone with mom] SHE SAID YES!!!! "congrats, son" I asked her if she thought I was weird "Wait what?" She thinks I'm weird. We broke up

7 y/o daughter: Hey dad, can I see your phone for a minute? Me: You got a warrant?

Xmas Russian Roulette: 1. Sit next to parents. 2. Type any letter into browser on your laptop. 3. Go to the website it auto completes to.

My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support.

*Neighbor text - Sorry for using your wife. Use only when you're not at home* *Shoots Wife* *Neighbor text again - I mean 'Wifi' not wife*

Literally no one wants to be on the phone with you less than the lady who answers the phone at a Chinese restaurant.

[phone rings] "Is your refrigerator running?" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* "I don't know what he's doing anymore."

[Gets a Netflix notification on phone] FRIEND: Is that your ex? ME: [Lying] No.

I don't like it when my phone puts a word in "quotals" like I made it up or I'm stupid or something.

Like a recovering crack addict, my computer is broken & I can only use others in small doses. A little facebook goes a long way. *twitch*

Me at 7PM: Man I'm so sleepy. Can't wait to get to bed... Me at 12AM: I'M GONNA STAY UP DOING SHIT ON THE INTERNET TIL 4AM!! YEAH!

#1: Too many people still answer the phone like they don't know who's calling.

He who laughs first, must be using 3G internet.

CLOSE THE DOOR, YOU'RE LETTING ALL THE WIFI OUT

Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area.

Movies are so unrealistic. This guy's using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.

Eventually we'll all just have one app on our phones that electrocutes you when you stop looking at it.

Hinder: an app that locates available singles nearby who will stall your life in some significant way