Technology Jokes

A ghost from last century left a YellowBook at my door like the Internet never happened.

My milk of magnesia brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, you sounded younger on the phone.

My 13 year old doesn't speak when she picks up the phone. She just listens and hangs up. I think she's going to be a hitman someday.

Got a white noise app to help me sleep but its just a recording of guys talking about golf, Dockers, Whole Foods, & the new Coldplay album..

I hope no one I know ever has an emergency that they can't text me about. Because, answering my phone? No thanks.

Facebook is pretty much the Wal-Mart of the internet.

If you text "Haiti" to Pat Robertson's phone number, $10 will be deducted from his account and sent to Haiti.

DATE IDEA: We stay in our respective homes and watch different shows on Netflix. And also that was a fake phone number I gave you.

If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you'll eventually have a sweet flip phone.

Sit in Starbucks and scream into your phone, "What we need is fresh screenwriting talent! An unknown! Where on earth can we find it?"

Please don't ask me what something means or who someone is from your device which has access to the internet.

I like to stand next to a stranger on the elevator and whisper, "I read what you said on the internet."

If my boss catches me surfing the internet, I make sure I have a screen open to a big box of tampons from Amazon and he leaves me alone

I'll never be mad enough to throw my phone somewhere.

*on date* Me [don't let her know you're married] I have a wif..i hotspot on my phone. Her: oh that's cool. Me: yeah my wife got it for me.

[helping kid w/math] What is 0.1 as a fraction? "One tenth?" Good, now what does 10% mean? "Battery low, plug in your phone?" Perfect

Buying a new phone is basically being forced into a not so fun game of "how long can I go without dropping it." Same thing with babies.

Ugh don't you hate it when you accidentally leave the volume up on your phone & the next stall hears the *click* when you snapchat your turd

Losing your phone is the adult version of having your balloon fly away.

Remember ladies. It goes from Twitter to Kik to Voxer to cell phone number to address to being dismembered in a motel bathtub.

Text to wife: "Would you bring me my " and my phone suggests "girlfriend." My phone is trying to kill me.

To prepare her for real life I make my daughter pretend to tweet on a toy phone when she's taking a crap.

If I knit you a sweater, Computer, will you stop freezing?

if u pressed the right numbers on yr phone u could be talking to dwayne the rock johnson in 20 seconds

My grandma talks a lot of shit for someone who still uses a flip phone.