Technology Jokes

Omg. The WiFi went off a minute ago so my kids came out of their rooms. They're getting so tall!

Every single person on this subway is staring at their phone and I'm so appalled I have to tweet about it.

[Halloween] Lady: what are you this this year? Me: *dressed as a phone battery meter* I'm at 10% and it's only 7pm. Lady: *faints*

HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE HIDING BEHIND THE CORNER. THEY ARE GOING TO JUMP OUT AND TAKE YOUR PHONE, WALLET AND PURSE.

APPLE GENIUS: [looks around nervously] if I had a criticism of this phone it would be that- {trapdoor} NEW APPLE GENIUS: that it's perfect.

*Nerdy guys phone rings* JOCK: "Who was that, your girlfriend?" *Everyone laughs* NERD: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*

Why isn't a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?

I am starting a website called Kickfarter where people pay me to not fart.

I don't delete annoying people out of my phone. I give them new names so I know not to answer. "Always needs a favor" is calling, decline.

It's quaint when a company publishes a fax number on their website's contact page. It's like finding a Walkman at a flea market.

[gets kidnapped] Hold up, I forgot my phone charger.

How about a restaurant where the minute you walk in you lose cell service and your camera app is disabled we'll call it "ENJOY YOUR LIVES"

*wakes up w/phone in hand* Me:[texting] Sorry I fell asleep on ya last night *text chime* Couch: I'm like right here why are you texting me?

23% of traffic accidents involve cell phone use, but 77% do NOT involve cell phone use. Statistics don't lie. It's safer to use your phone.

WIFE: Having your phone in your jeans pocket will make you infertile & stop us having more kids ME: *shoves 10 phones & microwave in pocket*

Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!

[Eating] Waiter: How's the meal? Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...

"How dare you accuse us of cheating?" said the Patriots, struggling to get a jersey on the giant robot tiger that Katy Perry rode in on.

I wondered if my wife was asleep so I held my phone a foot over her face and turned it on. Then I dropped it onto her nose. She's awake now.

Don't have your phone number posted on FB if you don't want me calling you at 3am drunk asking for the recipe of that cobbler you posted.

See if your child has learnt any swear words yet, by turning the wifi off while they're playing minecraft.

When I go shopping with my wife she thinks I'm bored because I'm looking at my phone the whole time. But that's exactly why I'm not bored.

I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell someone to call me, but they're in their 20s and don't know what phones used to look like.

Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.

"What time is it?" *pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away* *Still has no idea what time it is*