Technology Jokes

I stopped carrying my phone in my shirt pocket, because every time it vibrated my first thought was: Heart attack!

Startle and amuse your cat by replacing its kitty litter with Poprocks. (Ladies: feel free to share this idea on your pinny website thing.)

Guy just asked me where a public phone was, I told him 1987.

Heading home early on a Friday to enjoy some quality wifi time

I believe in ten years, gifts for newly born baby would be a SIM card and a cell phone.

When an IT person pisses me off I just wait until 4:45pm to crash my computer.

Your girl may be jealous of the time you spend on your phone. To be fair, it has 4G and she only has one, and it's hard to find its signal

Of course I can tweet, talk on the phone, eat a hamburger, and apply my lipstick. I'm only driving, you know.

War vets with prosthetic limbs are running marathons and I'm busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.

[wife talking to me on phone 45 mins after I go to play poker at friends house] "stop crying for a second...what do you mean you lost me?"

A. 34 Q. How many seconds can I watch a BRILLIANT, ADDICTIVE, SMART television show before checking the internet?

Two ads? IN A ROW? On this website that gives me access to all the music ever made? I won't stand for it

[on phone with attorney] HIM: you're being charged for murder. ME: damn that sounds expensive i guess you can just put it on my Amex

my computer is organized exactly like my brain, which is to say that I just found a photo of a baby weasel alone in a folder called "good"

i look at my phone's 100% battery icon with the same fondness as proud parents watching their children bounce out of bed yelling "pancakes!"

"*RING**RING* in the middle Of night! "Hello?" "Hey man are you home?" "No dude i just picked up my house phone from Burger King."

i bet Slash has a lot of trouble trying to tell people how to get to his website

Coworker: Do u have a phone charger? Me: No. CW: How about the 1 on your desk? Me: WHO ARE U CALLING A JIGGABOO LINDA?! CW: OMG! *runs away*

You guys, I just submitted a tweet to Twitter, and they accepted it and put it on their website!

"You're attachment is too large," my computer tells me. I blush. "My eyes are up here," I respond coyly.

Not looking at my phone during dinner will be the most romantic gesture I will make today.

I'd probably be broke by now if there was a website where you could pay to flirt with lobsters

Good one computer geniuses, you made everything "user friendly" and "intuitive" and now idiots are on the internet commenting on everything.

The girl next to me is texting her friend about how there's an annoying guy looking at her phone, lemme show her which emojis to use.

Internet, you've made a compelling argument. Sleep: present your case.