Technology Jokes

The Never Ending Story should've been a movie about a phone call from my Mother

What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have adquired over a.... *Accidentally drops cell phone on the toilet*

*Writes "For a good time call" on random gas station bathroom wall *adds work phone number *Gets excited about work today

I bought a retro computer. It came with friends still on the outside of it.

Me: Wake up son! Son: Just 30 more minutes please Me: I'm borrowing your phone Son jumps of the bed: I'm awake!

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?' if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

The light at the end of the tunnel better be a damn computer screen

[paddling silently along the amazon in 2-man kayak taking in it's beauty] *from behind me* you know they named this after a website

I need an app on my phone to connect to the douches Bluetooth driving next to me so I can fart in his ear.

I should go outside and enjoy the amazing weather but my computer cord isn't long enough.

[i get a phone call] "Hi we'd like to talk to you about your tweets" ME: Wow thank you but I don't do interviews "This is the police"

Just got seen around town doing modern guy stuff like leaning on things, holding my phone & staring disapprovingly at nothing in particular.

Oh, you lost your phone and it's on silent? That's too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.

Ashley Madison website is having problems. But instead of addressing them directly, it'll just look for a younger hotter website on the side

My phone died doing what it loves: dying.

There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I'm supposed to stop reading the internet.

Sorry, I'm way too tired to do anything tonight. I just need to take a shower, get to bed early, then look at stuff on my phone until 4 AM.

[takes a sip at wine tasting] Ah yes, this is nice. You can really taste the wet dog and Code Red Mountain Dew.

the person who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a software update did not take their job seriously at all

How many photos of Kanye West do you suppose Kanye West has on his phone? More than 1,000?

Hospitals don't like it when you unplug things to charge your phone w/ out asking first

My mom worries about me too much. We were having a phone conversation till she dropped her phone. She picks it up and asks "are you OK?"

Him: (on phone) Why are you single? Me: (watching a movie about a killer tire) I don't know.

Finally got a phone at my desk. In related news, thanks to me, 56 random people are running to catch their refrigerators.

My Mom keeps warning me about talking to strangers on the Internet. I'm 34 now Mom. I don't talk to them. I sleep with them.