Technology Jokes

WIFE: *motions to me that she's choking* ME: *immediately dials 911* 911: what the emergency ME: *handing her the phone* here u talk to them

Prove im not a robot by typing the wierd letters? um PRove your not a robot! i can see u computer yoU are a robot and this is my website now

1 rabbit can make 1,000+ babies in its life DATE: how do you know that *shouting over deafening hopping sounds from the attic* INTERNET

Internet, just because I bought shoes from you once doesn't mean I'm going to do it again. You're coming across as desperate.

It's pretty silly to be afraid of spiders when most of them have probably never answered a text message with a phone call.

Mom: can i borrow your laptop? Me: *deletes history* Me: *logs out of twitter* Me: *closes chrome* Me: *opens internet explorer* Me: sure

Dating Tips. C all her 69 times a day. R ing her doorbell and hide. E avesdrop by phone tapping. E ye her bffs. P oke her on FB.

This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone.

Forgot my wallet at home & filled up at the gas station so I have to leave some collateral. Not leaving my phone there so 4 year old it is.

*Robot watches me vape* Robot: mm yeah but swallow it

Her: About last night, please understand that wasn't me... that was the wine. Me: ... Her: ... Me: Do you have a phone number for that wine?

She's not my fake internet girlfriend, she's my eBae.

*I look into abyss* *Abyss looks at me* *Abyss blinking message in Morse code* *I go off to learn Morse* *I return* "Why do we park in a dri

Boss:I need you to do something for me... Me:what? Boss:go on the jobcentre website and look for another job

If you're going Black Friday shopping tomorrow, be a decent human being & turn your phone horizontal before you record any fights

At this late date, the only way I'm gonna be famous is if I save a baby from a fire. And the baby is filming the whole thing with his phone.

I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.

I'm surprised "slow internet connection" doesn't come up more often as a motive in murder trials.

I love you so much, I'll just sit at home and stare at my phone to make you notice.

Me: Phone a friend Judge: That's not how this works

My wife and I found each other on a dating website.........3 years after we got married. That was awkward.

Which side of the plate does the phone go on?

Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

wwow i dropped my phone with my twitter open and people crowded around reading it and applauding and women threw roses and kissed my feet

LIFE HACK: If ur phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, rice will attract Asians who will fix ur electronics for you