Technology Jokes

[answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?

The only thing worse than paying for internet access in a hotel is free wireless that doesn't work.

Just downloaded the MySpace app and my iPad transformed into a Commodore 64.

I just ordered a party hat for a cat over the Internet while flying on a plane at 35,000 feet. We should really stop inventing stuff.

When I tell my wife I'm gonna have to work late she knows it's code for I was playing with super glue and I'm stuck to my desk again.

Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.

I had to use a rotary phone to try to get concert tickets so don't you tell me Ticket Master online is taking too long

A man fought off a polar bear yesterday using only his cell phone... it was probably a blackberry. The bear was so disgusted he just left.

[bar closing time] Do you wanna come over to my place? Her (flirtatious af): oh yeah Ok hold on.. *dials phone* Mom? Can you pick me up now?

ladies call me a keyboard cus i'm always in front of the computer and i've got crumbs in all my crevices

Brother: Do you want to come over to see the new baby? Me: Does it have wifi?

The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.

I'm sick of people blaming the Internet when someone gets killed. Watch the History Channel. Hitler didn't find the Jews on craigslist.

I swear, even my ex lasted longer than my phone battery does.

Shoe store employee on phone w/ wife: "Yea honey I should be home just in time for dinner" *centipede walks in* "You've got to be kiddin me"

Me: "You didn't tell me that." Them: "Yes I did, four times while you were staring at your phone." Me (looks up): "I'm sorry, what?"

If you get a text from me that ends in a stream of emojis, my mother has stolen my phone DO NOT ENGAGE

"Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail." - me making a phone call

[on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll] Are you sure you're ok?

I hate when movies use that fakey "55555" ZIP code so pranksters won't try mailing letters & postcards to the characters.

I've set my phone to airplane mode to add more realism to the nausea and turbulence I experience at work.

I have a drinking problem (when I tilt my head back to take a drink I can't see my phone)

FBI: I can't unlock my phone Genius: is that a fake mustache over your mustache? FBI into earpiece: Operation Twostache has been compromised

Coworker: What's so funny M: Twitter Cw: Oh! I'm on there, what's your @ M: I meant twizzlers.. Cw: You're looking at your phone. M:...

Shattner didn't go to Nimoy's funeral, and Obama's been on the phone all weekend with the Vulcan ambassador, trying to smooth things over.