The human body can survive 28 days without food, but only 11 minutes without Internet.

My phone number is one digit off from a local restaurant's. When I'm in a bad mood, I'll take reservations.

Literally no one wants to be on the phone with you less than the lady who answers the phone at a Chinese restaurant.

*Takes out phone & plays Cindi Lauper's True Colors as you reach for the last slice of pizza without asking*