My phone number is one digit off from a local restaurant's. When I'm in a bad mood, I'll take reservations.

The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.

Literally no one wants to be on the phone with you less than the lady who answers the phone at a Chinese restaurant.

*Takes out phone & plays Cindi Lauper's True Colors as you reach for the last slice of pizza without asking*