Technology Jokes

me (checkin out at grocery store with 2 rotisserie chickens): hold up *i grab my phone although it didn't ring* sure i'll get 1 more chicken

[pet store] Me *looking at snakes* "CAN I FEED THEM?" Pet Store Employee [never looks up from his phone] sure. Me *putting my kids in tank*

Getting my cat to "LOL" is a lot harder than it looks on the internet.

ON THE INTERNET : Ughh.. I hate people so much.. APPLYING FOR JOB : I love working with people and I am very sociable

My son is so lazy he's went from playing video games on the computer to watching other people play video games on the computer.

I've been divorced so long I've almost forgotten how to clear a computer history.

If you forget what it's like to talk on a Pay Phone, just lick the handle of a shopping cart

Jaws (2015): "(cell phone) Hi Coast Guard, yeah a shark is banging my boat oh you're on your way great thanks"

I love the compliments my boss gives like "wow you're on time today" and "great job ignoring dress code again".

At bedtime I read my daughter a few of my favorite RTs, tuck her in & whisper, "This is why we don't talk to strangers on the internet."

"I think that kid's a robot" What? "Look at his mouth" Relax they're just braces *backs away slowly* "That's exactly what a robot would say"

But officer, I put the phone down as soon as I saw that you saw me using it...

GF: I think I'm gunna start a Twitter account Me: *whips head around* I'll help you set it up! *Grabs GF's phone and hurls it into the Sun*

[penguin waddles into computer repair store] "Hi yes my laptop is frozen" ... Computer repair guy - "how did you get to Milwaukee"

Wish there was a way to take all of these people commenting on the internet and make them useful.

Her: Show me your pics Me: Ok *blackberry restarts* *waiting* *gets married* *have kids* Son: Dad, your phone finished restarting *dies*

Monsters, Inc. 3: It's harder to make kids laugh The Internet has made them jaded The monster need help They teach the kids to smoke pot

I just got off the phone with my mother. She called 12 years ago.

Can someone explain to me why I agreed to go camping this weekend? I'm pretty sure tents don't have wifi and I will most likely die.

So many weirdos, so little internet.

This bathroom stall was quite a find. Not only does the toilet paper come in a book but it also has its own phone and a view of the city.

Well this is new. A pigeon just shit on my phone as I was texting.

Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets.

Girl, I like you so much, I might even let you hold my phone....some day, while its locked

I now pronounce you internet boyfriend and girlfriend. You may put your hand down your pants and kiss your phone.