Technology Jokes

"I'd tap that." - Morse code operatives flirting.

Don't be offended if someone doesn't reply to your text. Their phone is probably just "on silent" or "right in front of their lying face."

Just saw a man talking on a pay phone... I should call the cops right?

[pulling the casket a few inches away from the wall during a funeral] sorry just need to plug in my phone for a minute

My parents just got their first computer. Nigeria, go easy on my inheritance.

Whenever someone dies they always tell me God called them home so that's why I'll never give Jesus my real phone number.

Don't forget to insult random strangers on the internet today, morons. <3

This fortune cookie I just had said 'Off yourself' & my lucky numbers on the back was the phone number to a local gun shop.

My job blocked the Favstar website and I'm not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I'm totally taking hostages.

I bought my dog a toy cell phone, now it takes him 45 minutes to shit.

With only one plug in this hospital room it's not looking good for Nana's respirator if my phone battery dies and I have a good tweet.

If there is one thing the Internet has taught us it is that even the dumbest people on Earth have somehow learned how to use the Internet

"What are all those wires?" "My wireless internet." (New Yorker cartoon ideas)

Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone.

No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive I won't have a clue how to get back here

Hey people who cold call my cell phone: I've got a better way for you to make money with your mouth.

[on phone with debit fraud] Bank guy: Sir do you shop on line at all Me: DUDE IT'S 2017 WE BUY TOILET PAPER ONLINE BG: M: Sometimes. Yes

I hate leaving when my phone isn't charged to 100%

Don't worry, every TV show, the audience def can't tell that your character just answered a call on his iPhone by tapping an app. We stupid.

There are no atheists in parking lots where you've dropped your phone face down on the asphalt.

On phone: GF: We're breaking up... Me: I can hear you fine! GF: It's not you, it's me... Me: Did you get a new provider? GF: Kinda... Bye!

Apparently "The WiFi signal is the strongest there" isn't the right answer when the boss asks "Why are you spending so much time in toilet?"

Son: Dad, you work so hard and never get any credit. You're like a superhero! Dad: Nice try. You're still not getting the Internet password.

The iPhone 8 probably won't even have a phone in it.

I'm texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up