Technology Jokes

"Sorry my phone died" -something I've said 5,326 times but it's never actually happened

We were without phone, TV and internet access for a few hours today. It was terrifying because I almost got some work done.

I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty.

*gets hit by a car* Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?" Me: "Please... I need my... phone" *opens Twitter* Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

Back in my day when we found a Pokemon we had to beat it to death with a rotary phone

I hate it when I forget to bring my phone in the car and have to read a shampoo bottle while I drive.

This guy texting in metro besides me keeps covering his phone, like I care about his dinner plans in CP with his girlfrnd "Shona baby"

flight attendant: sir, are you raising your hand me: how do i access the wifi fa: im doing safety announcements me: is that lowercase

COMPUTER: HINT: name of best friend ME: Jen C: Jen sounds nice M: Wh-what? C: Is Jen single? M: Uh... C: Answer the question. Is Jen single?

You can just lean against anything, look down at your phone and toggle between your 1st and 2nd page of apps and you'll look pretty popular.

* charges phone. Phone: wrong hole.

Silence is golden. Unless they're in the shower and you can't find their phone. In that case, silence is very very suspicious!

[Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body

The sincerest form of flattery is having a robot from the future sent back in time to kill you. Imitation is a distant second.

[phone call] KIDNAPPER: We're gonna kill your wife if you don't pay ME: *making wind noises* I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'M GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL

I'm not a cyber-bully but I did change my WiFi network name to "I CAN SEE WHAT YOU ARE GOOGLING STEVE". Sleep well neighbor. Sleep well.

Forgot my phone and had to write my tweets on paper and pass 'em around at the meeting. nnDidn't get any stars. nGot RT'd to HR.

My phone wanted to auto correct, "mos def" to "most definitely." I swear, my phone has absolutely zero swag.

This is an emergency! *Begs to borrow strangers phone *starts scrolling through pics

ME: You're saying I'm not smart enough for this job? BOSS: Well, yes. ME: [points to computer] Just because I can't use the typewriter TV?

Boyfriend's on the phone talking to a guy about lattes and his love of peach scones. I'm on the couch wondering when our periods synced.

Me: "Don't piss me off, I can rip a phone book in half." 10yo: "A phone what?"

If you have that loud keyboard clicking sound enabled on your iPhone, give me your phone. You don't get a phone.

Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans.

The best things in life are free. Like your neighbor's wifi, their morning paper & their liquor cabinet while they're away, for instance.