Text to wife: "Would you bring me my " and my phone suggests "girlfriend." My phone is trying to kill me.

I was so angry when I found my wife's profile on a dating website. That lying bitch isn't "fun to be around".

Twitter is awesome. You can have a boyfriend right in your phone. Available at all times. Unless his wife's around.

Tinder is such an useless app The only match it gave me was of my wife..