Technology Jokes

I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but the fried me for no raisin #PunYourJob

I hate when someone texts me cause then I can't post anything on the internet or they'll know I'm ignoring them.

And if I die before I wake I pray a virus my phone to take.

[Biden runs into the oval office] "Barack, ISIS are on the phone. They want a shipment of updog. I asked what it is but they just laughed"

VERY difficult to convince the apple store people that you've only ever dropped your phone 3 times if you dropped it twice in the store.

This is a fake tweet, someone asked me to put their # in my phone so I'm pretending to add it to my contacts

9-1-1 help, someone buried me alive *looks at phone* christ, and there's no wifi

"DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" he screamed at his phone. Everyone else on the train hugged their phones a bit closer.

She danced her way into his heart. -She was doing the robot tho, so she looked like an idiot.

I have 7,777 followers. Shouldn't coins be coming out of my computer or something? #gyp

Christian Mingle: Find God's match for you. Because the Lord works in mysterious ways. Like setting up a website for his people to hook up.

Do I want Internet Explorer to remember my password? Do you want a wild raccoon to babysit your family?

I am really shocked that there is not a website devoted solely to the most clever Wi-Fi names of all-time.

When I fix someone's computer and they say "Wow how'd you do that?" I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.

Bouncer: Woah. Dress code Me: This is a suit B: Yeah, a chicken suit. *puts nugget in bouncer's pocket *pats it M: We good? B: Have fun, sir

"Go-go-gadget meaningful relationship with daughter," the Inspector whispered to his cell phone. But it didn't ring.

Apples greatest success is convincing the world they need a new phone, to replace the one you aren't making phone calls on, every year.

Hell has free wifi but no outlets for phone chargers.

1998: - Don't get in strangers' cars - Don't meet ppl from internet 2016: - Literally summon strangers from internet to get in their car

A person running around with a laptop chasing an unsecured WiFi signal looks eerily like a cat chasing a laser pointer.

(i crack an egg; it falls under the pan) i prefer a firm yolk (i accidentally drop my phone in the toilet) phones make us communicate less

Once, in 2006, I stayed off the internet for an entire 19 minutes.

My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I asked for screenshots, I meant using the PRT SCR button, not shaky pictures of the screen with your phone, you idiot.

Yelling out "Stranger Danger!" is a good way to say no when a cashier asks for your zip code.