Technology Jokes

Computer: Do you trust this device? Me: Why? Is there something you're not telling me?

Hell yeah I want your website to play music without warning or a mute button!

Me: I haven't tweeted in days. Wife: Oh no! Hold on... *opens laptop *types Wife: Phew! Me: What? Wife: Looks like the Internet survived.

Dear bill collectors, if you want me to answer the phone, instead of "no caller ID" try something like "free shoes"

I'm so sick and tired of all the Internet bullying. "My password is NOT weak. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME!"

What should we call this portable computer? SOME GUY: Laptop [everyone applauds...w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer]

LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you're on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up

Up to 300 serial killers are active every day but the good news is that some of us have been incapacitated by the internet.

Well, add 'making a simple phone call' to the list of 'things that give me panic attacks'.

The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she's just found my twitter account

I joked about a robot uprising until I waved at an automatic paper towel dispenser and nothing happened. THEY'RE EVOLVING INTO PRETTY GIRLS!

"My homework ate my dog" -student in python breeding class

I just went to the bathroom without my phone. I had to read shampoo bottles like it was 1999.

An app like Tinder that can find me episodes of Law & Order SVU I haven't seen.

[invasion] *aircrafts dropping from the sky *explosions everywhere *mass hysteria Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?

Me: I don't think Grinding Dory is appropriate for the kids. Wife: I said FINDING DORY & we need to discuss your internet usage.

*makes snow angel motions in bed every morning tryna find phone*

Anybody have plans to stare at their phone someplace exciting this weekend?

*answers a bagel like a phone* i'm just in a meeting right now i'll call you back

met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen

the year is 2042. a man is fired for doing "the robot" in a mixed crowd of humans and androids at the company xmas party.

Just changed someone's "fun" name in my phone back to their normal name to regain some control over my life.

Boss: Can you look this up? Me: (munching on donut) Internet's closed. Boss: Oh. Me: Yeah, I think they're vacuuming it or something.

*peeks under bathroom stall* How's the wifi signal in there?

A Rolex is just an expensive way to let everyone know you don't know how to check the time on your phone.