Mcdonalds Jokes

I got chatting to a bird down the pub last night. She said, ""So what do you work as?"" ""It's a very important job,"" I said. ""I have to finalise deals in the transfer window."" ""Wow, a football agent?"" she asked. ""No,"" I replied. ""I work in the drive thru at McDonald's.""

I like how McDonalds mixes the napkins in the to-go bag with the greasy food, so that even when I'm wiping my mouth I can get fatter.

Frodo collected the keys to Macy's, JCPenney, McDonald's, etc. and put them on a single key ring It was one ring to rule the mall.

rural upbringin' What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Wisconsin? Prom night.

Warning, Shopping at Home Depot! A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. T…

""It's so hot outside..."" ""...that I poured McDonald's hot coffee on my lap just to cool off.""

A Master's degree? John Q. Nerd gets his Master's Degree from the MIT Laboratory for Computer Science here in Technology Square and spends two months looking for a job. Unfortunately, DEC is laying people off and Wang went bankrupt. He's running low on rent money so he decides to work in the Central Square McDonald's on weekends and look for a job during the week. After John hands in an employment application, the manager tells that he isn't qualified. ""Not qualified!?! I've got a Master's degr…

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common? Immigrants

A man orders a drink at McDonald's Cashier: $1.08 sir Man: Sure, I'll wait

I pull up at the McDonalds drive-through Voice box lady: Hi, place your order when your ready! Me: Okay, one moment please Voice box lady: Medium or large Me: Umm what? just a moment please Voice box lady: Yeah medium or large? I'll see myself out.

Confusion at McDonalds When I got ready to pay for my breakfast, the cashier said ""Strip down, facing me"". I did just that. When the shrieking had died down, I found out she was referring to my debit card.

A SPECIAL NIGHT IN IOWA Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa? A: Prom.

I was at a McDonalds where I saw a morbidly obese girl making fun of a clearly handicapped boy. Being the guy I was, I scolded her for it. Me: why are you making fun of him? Any one of us could've been like that. God gave him that handicap, you shouldn't make fun of him. Girl: yeah but God gave me a mouth to use, I'll use it how I want Me: damn right God gave you a mouth to use. Looks like you're using it just a bit too much. She was speechless and then I told her, 'wipe the ketchup off your chi…

Have you worked at McDonalds? I have. I got fired not long ago. My boss was a clown.

Americans choosing their orders at McDonalds more seriously than Their presidents.

I bought my kid some McDonald's today. He really doesn't like stocks though.

I told the cashier at McDonald's that there's some cute girls here. I asked her if she could get them out of the ball pit for me. --------------------------------------------------- EDIT: Shout out to /u/alrightiwillbite for wording the punchline a bit better.

It was the night before the wife's 40th birthday So the man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. ""I'd love to be six again,"" she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right t…

When I jerk off I'm not a fancy restaurant about it, I'm more like McDonalds Fast, easy, and you don't have to get out of the car

A police officer calls a mcdonalds worker lazy A police officer calls a McDonalds Worker lazy ""No were not"" says the McDonalds worker ""Whats the best thing somebody working at McDonalds has ever done?"" Asks the cop ""Linday Lohan"" replies the worker ""Lindsay Lohan is a McDonalds worker?"" Questions the cop ""No, a McDonalds worker did lindsay lohan""

To the person who stole my shoes at the McDonald's playplace: Please grow up.

Have you heard? McDonalds is partnering with Nintendo and Niantic! Prepare for trouble And make it a McDouble

A 50 year-old woman decides to spend a lot of money on her birthday... ...on cosmetics, wrinkle reduction treatments, a new hairdo, new clothes, etc. When she decides she's done the most she could, she feels really good about herself and decides to go for a walk. First, she enters a shop to buy a magazine. While she's paying, she asks the cashier: 'How old do you think I am?' 'Thirty-four.' 'I'm fifty!' she says, and she leaves very content. She goes into a McDonalds and while paying, she asks t…

Have you heard about McDonald's new Hillary Clinton Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Wayne Rooney said he wants to be a manager after he retires ""Burger King or McDonalds"" was his response when asked where.