Mcdonalds Jokes

My teacher said I'd end up working in McDonald's. Well, look who's laughing now. The guy's ordering chicken off me in KFC.

Two police officers stop a vehicle for speeding One of them approaches the driver's seat and realizes the man has a warrant on him, so she asks him to step out of the vehicle. The driver opens the door and glances back at the officer standing a few feet away and hesitates for a second. The other officer sees him looking towards the parking lot across the street, so she asks ""you're not going to run on me right?"" And he said ""no ma'am, not from you. I seen you at the gym."" ""But you'd run fro…

Angel's Food vs. Devil's Food In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, ""You want chocolate with that?"" And Man said, ""Yes!"" and Woman said, ""and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."" And they ga…

WHAT DID THE MINER SAY TO THE KID? You will laugh at this one! What did the miner say to the kid? Miner: GO GET ME A PICK!!! Kid: Whats a pick? Miner: A pickaxe! Those pointy hammer like axes? Kid: Still don't get it. Why do you need a pointy hammer when you look 70 freaking years old? Miner: Do you even know how much a regular sized diamond would cost? Kid: How much? Miner: Over 1000 bucks. Kid: I got a five thousand dollar gift card at McDonalds. Kid: Would you like me to buy you some french f…

We've been married for 50 years, and everything has always been shared, 50/50. A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his…

Give a man a fish... Give a man a fish and he'll throw it out and go to McDonald's. Teach a man to fish, and nope, still McDonald's.

Going to McDonald's is like going to the strip club... At first you're pumped and excited on the idea then you leave feeling dirty and ashamed.

I'll have a colorectal cancer with egg and cheese Em is my wife, Me - I'm going to McDonald's and ordering a colorectal cancer with egg and cheese on a biscuit Em - What? Me - Who said that Em - I don't know Me - No, who said Em - I don't know who said that Me - No, WHO said that bacon causes colorectal cancer Em - I DONT KNOW Me- No, W.H.O said that, the World Health Organization.

What do a priest and McDonald's have in common?... [NSFW] Both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

Your girl's legs are like McDonalds breakfast....... OPEN 24/7 EDIT: Replaced pants with legs

Sharing A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man dec…

McDonalds will always have a place in my heart.

McDonald's new Obama Value Meal is for freaks!!!

Fat joke with girlfriend Me : I want to go to McDonald's grab something to eat Gf : yeah that's what fat people do !!! Me : alright then you can grab something for me ! Thanks babe :)))

Going to McDonalds for a salad roll is like going to a brothel for a hug.

Saw a couple get married, on top of a giant slide, sponsored by McDonalds and witnessed by Ronald McDonald... They substitute I do with I'm lovin it...; And... The Ring Bear was named Small Fry. And...One hell of a reception was had at the Play Place ball pit. ** How dare you all make fun of their (happy) day! ** And... Happy Meal Toys were wedding favors And... Their cake was replaced with Apple Pie packets stacked together. #MCMARRIED Ronald Trump makes merica great again.

McDonald's uses canola oil, Five Guys uses peanut oil, and Taco Bell uses... castor oil

Lesbian Couple Waits Outside of Chipotle So They Can Begin There Day Jasmine and Crystal spend most there Sunday mornings--not at church--but getting up earlier enough so they have a nice workout session of P90x and, most importantly, to grab some lunch at Chipotle. ""After a long week of work,"" Jasmine said with News reporter Ann Rox, ""I like to enjoy my early mornings with a nutrition, delicious burrito bowl""--after cheerfully adding--""and the tortilla on the side!"" Crystal, Jasmine longt…

A 20$ says to a 1$ A 20$ and a 1$ bill are on a conveyor belt, after a long time of being in service, they are about to be burnt and make way for a new wave of fresh bills. The 1$ bill says to the 20$ bill, ""I've had a good life, and I've been to so many places in my life"" ""Expensive restaurants, bars, clubs, tips, Chipotle, you name it"". The 1$ ""says oh that's cool, I've been to mcdonalds, gas stations, vending machines, and churches"" The 20$ says ""What's a church?""

Why did Burger King decide to partner with Dairy Queen instead of McDonalds??? Because she unwrapped his Whopper. I'm so sorry!!!

What's the similarities between a priest and McDonalds? They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

You know the economy is bad... When you pull into the McDonald's drive thru and the person at the speaker asks... Can you afford fries with that?

What do priests and McDonalds have in common? Both stick their meat into ten-year-old buns.

I went to McDonald's yesterday and said, ""I'd like some fries"" The girl at the counter said, ""Would you like some fries with that?""

Never take someone's parking. Last week two employees of the Teck Mining Company got into an argument, apparently over parking spaces. The argument escalated into a full on fist fight on work premises. Other coworkers tried to break up the fight but eventually one of them grabbed a large piece of mining equipment and began smashing the others car with it causing it to catch fire which quickly spread to the McDonald's next door resulting in it burning to the ground. Finally the police arrived to …