Mcdonalds Jokes

Some people are as useless as the second window at McDonald's.

Your mamma's so fat when she goes to McDonalds they ask her what she doesn't want

Dear McDonald's cashier, Don't give me that look, there's no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don't forget the toy b!tch.

Went to McDonald's and ordered a Happy Meal .... didn't work ... still grumpy.

I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald's.

How do people approach their crush I don't even have the guts to ask for an extra ketchup in McDonald's?

Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.

I wanted to stop for McDonald's this morning but the line was too wide.

I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

What do you call a musician with a college degree? Night manager at McDonalds.

All of the UFO sightings were just people seeing chuck Norris fly to McDonald's.

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. ""Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"" The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a tabl…

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, ""I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"" ""About 35,"" was the reply. ""I'm actually 47,"" the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, ""Oh, you look about 29"". ""I am ac…

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the fo…

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, ""Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' people to git cancer?"" ""Yes, Bubba, sure is true,"" responded the lawyer. ""And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"" ""Sure is, Bubba."" ""And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"" ""Yep."" ""And that football…

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, ""You want fries with that?"" And Man said, ""Super size them."" And Man gained pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And Satan froze the yogurt, and he…

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Rejected Slogans For Fast Food Restaurants McDonald's: Still The Best Choice When You Haven't Got Time for Anything Better! Starbucks: Now with 0.9% Financing on a Tall Frappucino! KFC: Open to Suggestions on Keeping the Word ""Fried"" Out of Our Name. Burger King: Ask for it Your Way and Get it Any Way We Make it. Jack-in-the-Box: We put the dot in E.Coli ! Wendy's: Hey, if Dave Didn't Care About His Cholesterol, Why Should You? Taco Bell: Working Around the Clock to Invent New Ways to Combine …

How to write a College Paper 1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concent…

Yo mama rouchy the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: ""They don't serve BEER here you MORON!"" The German fellow felt pretty stupid but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look and begins to chuckle. ""And what's so funny?!?"" the New Yorker demands. ""Oh nothing really I just realized that you came here for the food…

How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half then counted out the fries one for him one for her until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat and his wife sat watching with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if…