Mcdonalds Jokes

Skipped the gym today to go to McDonald's. The bus did not come back, so I had to walk 2 miles home. Well played, universe.

As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald's Playland ball pit

You could probably win the US election by promising to make the McRib a permanent McDonald's menu item.

How has sound technology come so far & yet the McDonalds drive-thru still sounds like someone is farting into a walkie-talkie.

McDonald's burgers always look so great in their commercials but when you actually order one it always looks like its been sat on.

I purposely park three feet away from the drive thru window so Mcdonalds employees can get in their daily stretches.

Me and be Jealous?... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... Who is McDonald's and why are you 'lovin it'?

Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody.

[talking to mcdonalds cashier] which burger has the most acai berry vitamins and superfood antioxidants?

A lady crashed into a McDonald's here in town. Hey Leno, here's a free one for you: "Looks like she took 'drive-thru' a bit too literally!"

British woman suing McDonalds after finding a cigarette in her ONE year old's Happy Meal.As if ciggie wasn't the healthiest thing in the bag

I borrowed $500 from a co-worker then paid a homeless guy $8 to kill him in a McDonald's bathroom. I'm up $405 or whatever.

McDonald's sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.

"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald's application

Eye contact with the McDonald's drive-thru cashier is a shame-filled mistake.

A hand grenade to a daycare? RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.

Every time you have McDonald's as a kid, it's a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it's a defeat.

If McDonalds wants to check my $10 bill for signs of counterfeit, I should be able to check their chicken for chicken.

(McDonald's bathroom) *pulls away from kissing* You're better than my mirror at home

McDonald's should start gearing ads toward their target audience: husky toddlers and seagulls.

Trump's rhetoric has become even more disturbing and incendiary. Today he claimed "Burger King fries are as good as McDonald's fries."

Once upon a time (today) I had to help with pre school homework Me: -holds up yellow Me: What color is this? 4: McDonalds The end

Some people don't believe in New Year resolutions. Like everyone in this McDonald's drive thru.

"Change is never easy..." ~McDonalds employees

[job interview] How did you lose your last job? "I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.