Lesson Jokes

A woman gets a golf lesson. A woman goes to her local golf course and gets a lesson from the course pro. After the lesson she decides to play a round to reinforce what she learned. But after only 20 minutes the golf pro sees her back at clubhouse. ""What happened"" asks the pro. She replies ""I was stung by a bee while playing and didn't feel like continuing"". ""Oh no

A teacher was giving a math lesson... ...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?" The student replied, "Two dollars." "Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition. "No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."

I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.

How is Chick-Fil-A like a black hole?,"You can come in, but you can't come out. <editorial non-joke remark - I'm straight but these guys need to learn a lesson IMHO>

What's Resurrection?,"There was a man teaching the children's Sunday school class, and his lesson was on resurrection. The man asks the kids if they know what the word resurrection means. After a long silence a little boy in the back of the room raises his hand and says ""Well I don't know what it is but I know that if it lasts more than 4 hours you have to go see a doctor.""

How is Chick-Fil-A like a black hole? You can come in, but you can't come out. <editorial non-joke remark - I'm straight, but these guys need to learn a lesson IMHO>

What's Resurrection? There was a man teaching the children's Sunday school class, and his lesson was on resurrection. The man asks the kids if they know what the word resurrection means. After a long silence a little boy in the back of the room raises his hand and says "Well I don't know what it is but I know that if it lasts more than 4 hours, you have to go see a doctor."

What is a pedophile's first guitar lesson? How to finger A minor

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker? He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

after a trainning lesson, everyone can ask only 1 question. my question is May i ask a question? trainner: No Me: Thank you for the answer. that is just what i need. trainner: Did you get my point? 1 question per person only. Me: I want to prove a point that you are a jerk and never truely want to help us. And you just gave the answer.

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson? "Etude, Brute?"

What did the mermaid forget to bring to the maths lesson? Her algae bra.

A teacher was giving a lesson about the circulation of the blood. He said: "Now boys, as you know, if I stood on my head, the blood would run into it and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," they chorused. "So why is it," asked the teacher, "that while I am standing upright, the blood doesn't run into my feet and make them turn red, like my head?" A young voice from the back called out: "Because your feet aren't empty!" School Answering Machine Message To lie about why your child is absent…

An anxious father said to his son's school principal: "I want you to stop my son gambling. All he ever seems to want to do all day is bet, bet, bet." "Leave it to me," said the principal. A week later, the principal phoned the father and said: "I think I've cured him." "How?" asked the father. "Well, I saw him looking at my beard and then he said, 'I bet that's a false beard.' 'How much do you want to bet on it?' I asked him. And he said, 'Five dollars.'" "What happened?" asked the father. "Well…

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his fifth grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now class. Observe the worms closely" said the professor as he put the first worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what less…

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't empty."

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnn…

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "We…

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he Prayed: “Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.” God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set…

A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson and music books. Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and through the front door, "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look at you... let me hold you! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your lovi…