Lesson Jokes

There was a man who droves train in Bulgaria There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living. He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the exec…

One Day, All the Children in Ms. Jennifer's Class Were Learning About Politics Ms. Jennifer began the lesson, ""We'll start with the liberal party. Liberals believe in equality for all and that everything should be fair."" Now, this sounded pretty grand to all the first graders, so when Ms. Jennifer asked, ""Which of you are Liberals like me?"" The result was nearly unanimous! After all, the teacher must be right, right? That was what the entire class thought, anyhow. The entire class, except li…

There was a man in Algeria who drove a train for a living.... There was a man in Algeria who drove a train for a living. He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the…

Educational video website Lynda.com got hacked I hope they learned their lesson.

An angry man makes pots for a living. He works all day in his pottery making pots. When he leaves, he slams the door and grumbles home. At home he demands his dinner, and then reads the paper. Every night his loving wife nags him that his temper will get him in trouble. Sure enough one day on his way home he bumps into a witch and they both fall down. Since he was already angry, he boils over and chews her out. Naturally the witch reacts to this by turning the poor man into a frog. He hops home …

Once upon a time there was a tractor enthusiast named Adam. Adam absolutely adored tractors, drove them around his field and on the roads when it was quiet. He owned a huge variety and would occasionally enter them in shows. One day, Adam was getting ready to take one of his most prized tractors to an exhibition. In preparation for this he decided to give it an almighty clean. As he was cleaning the exhaust however, something malfunctioned and the tractor covered Adam in exhaust fumes. Adam was …

I was inspired by r/gifs today. A guy meets a friend for a drink on a Sunday evening. His friend notices he has a huge black eye and asks him what happened. His friend replies, ""So I was in church this morning and when it came time to stand, I noticed the woman in front of me has a huge wedgie. I was just trying to bed nice, so I reached down and pulled it out for her and she turned around and socked me right in the eye!"" The friends meet up next Sunday evening and his buddy notices his other …

When I was fourteen years old, my father gave me an advice for my swimming lessons.. I listened, went to the lesson and after coming back, I talked to him. Me: ""Do you remember what you said earlier? You should put a potato in your speedo to impress the girls! I did that."" He: ""So, how did it work?"" Me: ""Well, you should've told me to put the potato in the front of my speedo.""

I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck... So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.

There was a man named Benny. Benny was a very kind man, but he could not find a wife because he was very ugly. One day, he was walking on the beach alone, depressed, when he saw an urn lying on the ground. He picked it up and a genie appeared. ""Congratulations, you have found the magic genie of the urn!"" The genie said. ""You may have one wish."" Benny was very excited and he said, ""I want a long beard to attract all the women and find a wife."" The genie replied, ""I can do that, but you mus…

Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

A horse is watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says ""that looks amazing, I want to do that!"" The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. ""Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar."" Says the horse. ""Sure,"" says the man on the phone. ""Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."" ""There's just one problem,"" says the horse. ""I'm a horse."" ""Not to worry,"" the man says. ""We have new state of the art tec…

I kept trying to think of puns about the eye during my biology lesson, when we dissected one. To be honest, they kept getting cornea and cornea....

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV... He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says ""that looks amazing, I want to do that!"" The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. ""Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar."" Says the horse. ""Sure,"" says the man on the phone. ""Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."" ""There's just one problem,"" says the horse. ""I'm a horse."" ""Not to worry,"" the man sa…

A math teacher went to school drunk... He told the class that they were going to learn derivatives and then proceeded to pass out. He was removed from the school and fired immediately. The lesson? Don't drink and derive

I wear a stethoscope, so that in the case of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

A friend of mine died last friday, while drinking his martini It's on that day I learnt an important lesson: Though laughter is the best medicine, in certain situations the Heimlich maneuver may be more appropriate.

What's a feminist's favourite school lesson? Triggernometry.

One day, at the zoo... Little Johnny and his mother go to visit the zoo. They visit the Reptile House, Monkey Island, Chimpanzee Forest, and the Avian Habitat. As they're walking toward the exit, they pass the Elephant Sanctuary. Little Johnny points to the elephant and says, ""Mommy, what's that thing hanging down from the elephant?"" The mother replies, ""That's the elephant's trunk, dear."" Johnny points again and says, ""No, that OTHER thing!"" The mom's starting to get a little nervous, but…

The story of Strongman Dria In Iraq there was a man named Dria who lived in a small village. Dria was special, because he was as strong as 10 men combined. However, as a way to level the playing field, Dria wasn't very smart. He's like a little kid who doesn't realize his own power. One day Dria's grandmother becomes very ill, and there's nothing in the world Dria loves more than his gram-gram, so he vows to save his grandma no matter the cost. But because he doesn't realize how special he is, h…

A Russian officer is giving his cadets a lesson about chemistry. He says: ""Cadets, write down: the temperature of boiling water is 90."" One of the privates replies, ""Comrade praporshchik, you're mistaken it's 100!"" The officer consults his handbook, and then announces, ""Right, 100. It is a *right angle* that boils at 90.""

Paternal Payback On the day I received my learner's permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver's seat. ""Why aren't you sitting up front on the passenger's side?"" I asked. ""Kirsten, I've been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,"" Dad replied. ""Now it's my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.""

Phantom energy So, our science teacher was teaching us about phantom energy. At one point of the lesson, he puts his phone on the counter and says; ""If I leave my phone here it will eventually die."" After a little pause I hear another student whisper and say; ""Same with children"".

A scientist, a doctor and a janitor discover an old lamp... The scientist rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie pops out! ""Thank you for releasing me!"" said the genie, ""You can have anything you like, providing you do one days work of a different profession. You may choose what you want to do."" The scientist goes first, ""Well I've always thought that being a kindergarten teacher would be an easy job."" BAM! The scientist is transported to a kindergarten. The scientist begins his lesson by a…

Cop teaches man a lesson So a cop is monitoring a stop sign and pedestrian crossing. A guy pulls up to the stop sign, slows down and little a proceeds thru. The cop pulls him over an explains that he did not stop at the sign. The explains that he is a lawyer and that since he slowed down that is close enough. The cop pulls out his night stick and starts to beat the man and says ""So, well, would you like me to slow down or stop""