Lesson Jokes

Sorry wait for 9 months A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed :- ""Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies"". God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for…

An Irish elocution lesson Say the following words together quickly: Whale. Oil. Beef. Hooked.

Logic Lesson A Fourth-grade teacher was giving a lesson and logic in class one day. ""Here's the situation"" she said."" A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in,and begin splashing around and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, and knowing he can't swim, runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"" A girl raises her hand and asks innocently ""to draw out all of the money?""

Why did the bass player miss his second lesson? He had a gig that night.

The swearing parrot. Did you hear about guy who had a parrot who swore continually. Finally, the guy told the parrot if he didn't clean up his language, he was going to throw him in the freezer. The parrot continued to swear, so the guy did as he had threatened. After a couple of hours the guy let the parrot out of the freezer, asking him if he had learned his lesson. Shivering, the parrot said that he had and wouldn't swear any more. After a few minutes, the parrot told the guy he had one quest…

If you meet a shaolin monk on the street, punch him in the face! If it's a real shaolin monk - you will miss. If it's a shaolin monk apprentice, he will be grateful for the lesson. If it's some wannabe dressed up as a shaolin monk - he deserves it!

A mom is giving her 16 year son a lesson on relationships... ""There are two types of women,"" she says ""the women you pass up and the woman you know you want to spend the rest of your life with."" Overhearing this advice, the father chimes in ""There's a third type."" to which the mother asks what that is. ""The women you pass up in the morning.""

First day of med school It's the first day of med school and a teacher takes the students to a morgue. ""Lesson 1: it's very important that you get used to the human body and are completely at ease with all manner of things."" So he takes his finger and shoves it up a corpse's butt and pulls it out. He then puts his finger in his mouth and sucks it. ""Now all of you do the same."" All the students cringe as they go through one by one. ""Lesson 2: It's even more important that you pay attention. …

My dad taught me you can't try rationalize with crazy... It was a self-taught lesson.

G-r-l-ammer My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him ""What was the name of his other leg?"" (Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammar.)

Can I help you? ** This is a true story ** Bit of background first: I am from a country where English is not the native language. Having said that, since we were colonized by the British close to 150 years people feel inferior if they don't speak in English, especially in posh public places. One such place is the British Council where people come to use the Library and attend English classes held there. One fine day I happened to be browsing some magazines in the library when one of my friends c…

Two men are hunting together in a tree stand. One leans over to his friend and says ""Hey I can see your house from up here! I can see through the window, it looks like your wife is cheating on you with some guy."" The husband in disbelief says to the other, ""Well if you can, shoot her in the head and him in the nuts. That'll teach them a lesson."" His buddy giggles as he raises his gun and says, ""I can get that in one shot!""

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. ' God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman... He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set o…

A man visits a monastery. He sleeps in the most comfortable bed he's ever slept in. In the middle of the night he hears a beautiful noise that wakes him up, even from the amazing bed he is laying on. He realises that the noise is coming from a door in the corner of his room. He decides not to get up and goes back to sleep. The next morning he asks a nearby monk what the noise was. ""I'm sorry I can't tell you,"" he replies, ""you're not a monk."" So the man asks the monk, ""What will it take to …

Little Johnny jokes A teacher asks her class, ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"" Little Johnny says ""I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day"". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give imp…

Why was the clown kicked out of the maths lesson? Because he kept throwing his pi in other peoples faces!

Smart Ass! ""SMART ASS"" One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well, needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone'…

Good morning class, science is our lesson for today. Teacher: What is science? Student: Me Ma'am! Me! Teacher: Ok Pedro! What is science? Student: science is our Lesson for today.

A man and his monkey walk into a bar The monkey immediately leaves the man's shoulder and runs over to the pool table, where he eats the cue ball. The bar tender says, ""Hey, what's up with that? Get your monkey out of here!"" The man says okay, and takes his monkey and leaves. A couple of months later, the man returns to the bar with his monkey, and tells the bar tender there won't be any trouble this time, so the bar tender reluctantly allows them to stay. The monkey ignores the pool table, bu…

My wife keeps saying how she's 'addicted' to things... Every now and then she says things like ""Oh my god, I'm so addicted to shoes"" or ""You won't believe how addicted to candy I am"". One day, I was driving with her on the way home from work and thought that I should teach her a valuable lesson. So I started to drive through the bad side of town, and stopped in front of a decrepit apartment building where there was a junkie sitting down on the stoop in front, staring into space. I rolled dow…

Fourth Grade Logic A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. ""Here is the situation,"" she said. ""A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"" A girl raised her hand and asked, ""To draw out all his savings?""

man with a wooden leg My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him ""What was the name of his other leg?"" (Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)

Three criminals meet in a restaurant... Three career criminals, each of them burglars, were meeting in a restaurant to discuss recent developments in their work. The first thief shook his head a little bit, giving his water glass a forlorn frown. ""The market for gems has dried up. What little I manage to get my hands on is hard to sell, and what money I get seems to flitter away before I know what I've done with it. It is impossible to make a dishonest living these days."" The second thief shoo…

Vocabulary lesson Every Tuesday Mrs. Smith teaches her third grade class a new vocabulary word. This weeks word is ""definitely."" ""Can any of you use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"" A small hand goes up in the front of the class, and little Susie says, ""The sky is definitely blue!"" ""Close"" replies the teacher, ""but sometimes the sky is orange, or purple, or even pink. Anyone else? Another small hand goes up, and billy says, ""The tree is definitely green!"" ""Close"" replies the te…

Some cowboys go to a saloon for a drink... Some rough-looking cowboys saunter into a seedy saloon looking to wet their whistles. ""Zeke, first round is on you!"" says the leader of the bunch. ""Sure thing, Duke"" says Zeke, and tosses a few coins on the bar. The bartender fills up the glasses, and the men finish off their first round in no time at all. ""Jeb, the second round is on you"" says Duke, and so continues the evening with Duke assigning each man to pay for a round. They are all getting…