St Pete Jokes

Two politicians die and arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says ""You get to choose which place you want to go to. I'll show you each place today and you can sleep on it and decide tomorrow."" So he takes them to heaven and everybody's sitting on gold jeweled thrones playing harps and singing God's praises. They both say ""Oh, this looks good."" But St. Peter insists on bringing them to the other place. The Devil answers the door and brings them to a big banquet hall with every kind of food a…

Three women all die in a car crash and go to Heaven on the same day.... They are waiting at the gate when St. Peter arrives and greets them, ""Welcome to Heaven, ladies. There is only one rule here in Heaven and it is don't step on the ducks."" The women each look at each other confusingly. St. Pete opens the gate and sure enough there are thousands of tiny ducks covering the ground. The first woman goes in and lasts a week and steps on a duck. St. Peter appears out of nowhere with the ugliest m…

What is Easter? A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die simultaneously and are instantly before St. Peter and heaven's gate. ""In order to be allowed in, you must tell me, what is Easter?"" exclaims St. Pete. The brunette answers first. ""Easter is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus!"" St. Peter says no and sends her to hell. The redhead then answers, ""Easter is when we celebrate love and buy each other gifts, chocolate, and flowers!"" Again, St. Pete says no and sends her to hell. Finall…

The hero Joe is at the Pearly Gates waiting to be admitted while St. Peter is leafing through his files to see if Joe is worthy of entry. "Joe," says St. Pete, "I can't see that you've done anything really bad in your life but I can't see that you've done anything really good that would qualify you for Heaven. Can you tell me ANY good deed you've ever done?" Joe thinks for a moment and says "Sure. I was driving through a bad part of town when I saw about 50 biker guys assaulting this poor gir…

St Peter wants a day off from the Pearly Gates And so he asks Jesus if he would mind covering a shift. ‘No worries’ says Jesus ‘what do I have to do?’ So Peter says ‘Ah not much, just welcome the souls as they drift through the gates. They will be chuffed to have the main guy to welcome them!’ And so Jesus begins his shift welcoming the good souls through the pearly gates. After a good few million souls have drifted through, he notices one that feels familiar to him. So he pauses the souls pa…

Three couples on vacation die together in an accident They ascend to heaven and fly up to the Pearly Gates where St. Peter is waiting for them. The first couple floats up to St. Pete and the husband asks, “St. Peter, do we get into heaven?” St. Peter responds, “Unfortunately, sir, you spent your entire life in the pursuit of money, so much so, that you married a woman named Penny, so no, it’s the other place for you.” They sadly fall away as the second couple floats over and the husband ask, “…

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "We…