A teacher was giving a lesson about the circulation of the blood. He said: "Now boys, as you know, if I stood on my head, the blood would run into it and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," they chorused. "So why is it," asked the teacher, "that while I am standing upright, the blood doesn't run into my feet and make them turn red, like my head?" A young voice from the back called out: "Because your feet aren't empty!" School Answering Machine Message To lie about why your child is absent, press 1 To make excuses why your child did not do his/her homework, press 2 To swear at staff members, press 3 To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several other letters posted to you, press 4 To request another teacher, for the third time this year, press 5 To complain about not being able to park your 4x4 directly outside the school gates, press 6 To shop your child, press 7 To complain that your child has got food poisoning from school lunches, press 8 To apologize for your behaviour at parents' evening, press 9 If you want us to bring up your child, press 0