Canada Jokes

There were two old boys from Alabama who loved to fish They wanted to do some ice fishing that they'd heard about in Canada, so they took off to try it. The lake was frozen nicely, so they stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, ""We're going to need an ice pick."" After they got their equipment, they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, ""We're going to need another dozen ice picks."" He sold …

Bu, Fu and Chu decided to move to Canada from China. Upon landing and passing through customs they decided to change their names to fit in better. Chu became Chuck Bu became Buck and Fu went back to China

Growing up in Canada, Taco Bell commercials were surprisingly different. At the end of each ad, they sang: ""Make a run...for the border. And then the next border.""

Why was the Newfie excited when he heard Quebec might leave Canada? It wouldn't take him as long to drive to Toronto

How do you kill a fox? Cut off a leg and make it run across Canada

The geography of men and women. The geography of a woman: Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered , half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman i…

The Experienced logger A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job. He walks into the forestry company office and fills out an application as an 'Experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride into the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the t…

The geography of women.. Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered , half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glor…

Marrying a Canadian woman Three friends married women from different parts of the world. The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By …

I visited Canada and got an STD Hepatitis A.

""Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"" \- Canada

What do you call a German living in Canada? A leder hoser.

What is close to stupidity? Mexico and Canada

Not sure if this is the right place to post, but after the US election results from last night, I need help creating a new dating website. It will help desperate American men and women find love in Canada. It'll be called ehHarmony

People should not move to Canada because of Trump They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.

How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada? Piece of cake.

Trump wants to build a wall between Canada and the U.S. also Please... please do it... us Canadians will even gladly pay for it

If Donald Trump becomes president, he'll increase taxes, he'll increase borders... And the population of Canada.

What do you call a Mexican garden hose in Canada? Joseh

Two men after finding Canada are decided what to name it The first man says let's put all the letters of the alphabet in a bag and the ones we pick out will be what we name it, eh? The second man starts pulling letters out of a bag he says, "" C, eh, N, eh, D, eh"" and then Canada was born

Mike was an experienced big game hunter... He went into the woods one day in northern Canada, and saw a family of brown bears. Being the merciless, ruthless hunter that he was (Mike was not Canadian), he shot and killed the whole family. The black bears convened after this. Angry about the last of the brown bears in Canada being killed, they plotted revenge on Mike. They ventured down to America in search of Mike, alas they could not find him. A year or so later, Mike traveled back to northern C…

There are rumours big Canadian banks Scotia and TD may merge... giving Canada one giant STD

Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided... ...if I should move to Canada or New Zealand.

One day Canada will conquer the galaxy... And they'll call it the *Milky Eh*.

A Czech and a lawyer go camping Two friends, a Czech and a lawyer were on a vacation to Canada and decided they would go camping for a few days. so sure enough the first night they camped out two bears showed up. They were awakened by the rustling noises outside and got up to see what was out there. The bears became startled and one of them attacked the Czech and ate him. The Lawyer ran screaming off into the woods and kept running until he came to a Ranger station. He awoke the Park Ranger insi…