Canada Jokes

Why can't Canada win wars? Because they'll blow you up and then apologize.

What is a difference between those who left USSR for Canada in 1972 and those who left USSR in and after 1991. In 1972, people ran from Socialism, and in 1991 into Socialism.

Why I hated my trip to Canada It was a nice country, but as soon as I saw the flag is just wanted to *leaf*

What do you call a Mexican in Canada? ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!

A Jewish man walks into a cafe in Canada and asks the waiter if they have any Canadian Jews ""I'm sorry,"" the waiter replied. ""We only have orange!""

When Canada abolished the penny there was no public protest at all... ...I guess Canada fears change

How do you kill a fox? Give it one leg and make it run across Canada

Naming Canada When Confederation happened in 1867, Sir John A. Macdonald was wondering how to name this new country. After puzzling over it, he exclaimed, ""Let's get one of our fellow citizens to draw letters out of a hat!"" So he got one of the citizens to pick letters and read them out loud. He said, ""C, eh?"" ""N, eh?"" ""D, eh"" And that's how Canada got its name!

How many people from Quebec does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One: He holds the bulb and the rest of Canada revolves around him.

Donald Trump and a Mexican find a genie's lamp They rub the lamp and the genie that appears tells them they can have three wishes, two for the person who found the lamp and one for his companion. Trump, of course, claims that he found the lamp and proceeds to make his wishes. Trump: First, I want all Mexicans kicked out of the United States. Every single one. Genie: It is done. Trump: And secondly, I want a wall all the way around the United States. 200 feet tall and made of concrete. On the bor…

What do you call Justin Bieber's singing? Canada Dry.

Do you know how Canada got its name? Back in the colonial days, the people of the Canadian capital decided the whole of the northern land needed a name- but no one could agree what it should be. So the mayor had all the letters of the alphabet, from A to Zed, put on little pieces of paper and shuffled in a top hat. Then the mayor said ""Whatever letters I draw, that's the name of our new country. Here goes..."" He drew the first letter: ""It's a ""C"", eh"". Then the next letter: ""It's an ""N""…

Three buddies are out on a lake... Three buddies are out on a lake in Canada fishing and drinking away a hot summer day when one falls overboard. The first looks at the second and asks ""Hey Sam, did Louis just fall outta the boat?"" Sam responds ""Geez Bill! Ya, he musta! Should we go see if we can help him?"" ""Soon as we finish our beers, yep."" So the boys finish their beers and put their rods away before jumping over the side and diving down to see if they can find their buddy. After three …

Canada has done well in removing the patriarchal effect on its society. Even their economy reflects it - now, _every_ worker gets 77 cents for every dollar earned.

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East . Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured. Iraq, Kuwait, UAE, Saudi Arabia and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace. Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance. Latin American countries are sending clothing. New Zealand and Australia are se…

The US, France, Germany and Canada are commissioned to write a report on elephant mating... [Canadian Joke] Once upon a time, four different countries the U.S., Germany, France, and Canada were asked by the United Nations to publish a study on the mating behaviours of elephants. The U.S. sold the project to the lowest private bidder, who wrote ""How to Make a Million Dollars by Raising Elephants."" The French wrote ""The Courting Rituals of Elephants."" The Germans, in a timely and efficient m…

Three sportsmen from England , Spain and Canada decide to play a game. They put an apple in each other's head and try to decide who's the best archer amongst them. The Englishman starts by putting an apple into Spanishman's head. Before he aims , the englishman shouts: ""I'm Robin Hood"" and then succeeds cutting the apple in half. Now it's Spanishman's turn to aim the apple on Canadian's head. As he is about to throw the arrow he says: ""I'm Guglielmo Tell"". He succeeds too. The Canadian's tur…

How do you kill a fox? You cut off its leg and make it run across canada

WAy back in the day Canada was originally called CND So America calls CND and asks them to spell it so they know what to write on their maps. The guy from CND replies, ""C eh, N eh, D eh.""

What's the capital of Canada? Tim Hortons.

The founders of canada are choosing a name for their country... and they draw out of a hat of the 26 letters of the english alphabet. It goes like this: ""C,eh"" ""N,eh"" and ""D,eh"" This is how we got C-A-N-A-D-A :)

My friend would not believe Canada has a new prime minister It's Tru-deau.

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian are walking along... ...and the American is getting bored. Suddenly, he pulls out a bottle of bourbon, cracks it open, takes a swig, tosses the bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blasts it into smithereens. The Canadian is shocked. ""What the hell?!"" he asks. ""You just wasted some perfectly good booze!"" The American shrugs. ""We've got plenty of bourbon down south."" The Frenchman, not to be outdone, produces a bottle of Champagne. He removes t…

I just discovered that Australia has a Canada day each year on 26 of May https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Sorry_Day

What do you get when you let 25,000 Syrian refugees into Canada during the winter? Isisicles