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Australia Jokes

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Surf's up? A Californian surfer visiting Australia was having a good time catching the breakers at resorts along the Gold Coast, but wanted a special experience. He wanted to surf a beach where nobody, or almost nobody, goes. So he gets in the car, drives north. At the first remote beach he hits, he has his board in hand as he's walking toward the water, when one of the locals warns him: ""you don't want to be surfing here, mate: there's too many sharks"". So he heeds the warning, and drives to

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Dad, i am going to marry Daughter: ""Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK . We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessings and good wishes."" Father: ""Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with you

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A big city lawyer... A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra.He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, ""I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."" The old farmer Peter replied, ""This is my property, and you are not coming over here."" The indignant lawyer sai

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A South African, an Australian and an Englishman are all having a drink The Englishman and South African both drink from Pint Glasses, the Australian from a bottle. The South African, upon draining his glass, drops in back down on the bar, pulls out a pistol, and shoots the glass. ""In South Africa, there is so much sand that I never drink from the same glass twice!"" The Australian, having drained his bottle, sets it down upon the bar and, upon seizing the South African's pistol, shoots his bot

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Tim The Train Expert Long read but worth! There was this man named Tim and Tim comes from a long line of train conductors. His father was a train conductor and so was his father before him. But as Tim grew up he realized that was not his passion but the pressure from his family to follow in his fathers footsteps was too great, so after Tim graduated high school he enrolled in training in hopes to be hired at a train station. After a few years of going through this training school and failing man

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If countries were in Highschool Imagine countries are people in high school. you have America. they are the guy that just good at anything and has the ego to show it, good at sports, intelligent, good looking and witty but they cant help but shove it down your throat. then you got his sidekicks like Australia who is just in the back egging America on like ""yeah get him, get him, UPPERCUT TO THE JAW!!!"". Britain is the person who has past differences with people, might've been a few wars here a

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Ok so there's this brunette who is determined to vanquish the stereotype that all blonds are dumb so she invites one million blond people to her event and manages to get her event televised all over the world. She then points to a blond sat on the front row and asks her to get on the stage. ""Ok, today is the day, I'm here to prove to you all that blonds are not dumb people, just regular people like you and me who have a different hair colour. I will ask this woman three questions and I guarante

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How to get found when lost on an Island ? Rajesh and Mona are flying to Australia to celebrate their anniversary when suddenly, over the PA system, the Pilot announces, ""Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued as it is a totally unknown island. So we may have t

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A man finds an old bottle. He starts rubbing off the dust... ... when a genie appears. ""You have one wish,"" says the genie. ""One wish? I thought it was three wishes,"" said the man. ""That's only in stories,"" replied the genie. ""One wish is all you get."" ""Well..."", started the man, who was an American, ""I've always wanted to go to Australia but I'm scared of flying. I wish for a bridge across the Pacific Ocean so I can drive there."" ""I said wishes not miracles,"" replied the genie. ""

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Geography of a woman Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open. Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful. Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars. Between the ages of 30-35, she is like India or Sp

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