Australia Jokes

A man is going through customs entering Australia The man behind the desk asks him "do you have a criminal record?" The man replies "No, I didn't know that was still a requirement"

One from Australia for you… The Mrs and I had a huge bust up. She screamed at me to pack my bags and GTFO. I was all packed up and about to get out the door when she said "I wish you a long and painful death, you bastard!" "So, what? You want me to stay now?" I replied.

A British man is visiting Australia. The man at customs asks him "Do you have a criminal record?" The British man replies "I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more."

whats the secret service of Australia called? M8

What's the difference between Australia and yogurt? At least if you leave yogurt alone for a while it develops a culture.

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and an elephant? Big holes all over Australia!

Why can't bears get jobs in Australia? They don't have the right koalfications!

Why does Saudi Arabia import so many camels from Australia? They've got to get their 72 virgins

What's upside down and downside up at the same time ? A kid with cerebral palsy living in Australia

What's the only thing in Australia that won't kill you? Old Age

Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia? Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )

What did Tony Abbott (Prime minister of Australia) do with the half-eaten banana? He re-peeled it.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? Great big holes all over australia

Which phone is most sold in Australia? The htc M8. Oi mate

What did Tony Abbott do when he heard Denmark had surplus wind power ? Cut funding for wind power in Australia

Did you hear about the new sprinklers from Australia? They're Aussielating.

What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia? Austronomers

What do you call an Australian singer who was born in Australia? Aussie Aus-born.

What's the difference between Australia and Yogurt? Culture

Did you hear that the LAPD is training the Australian Police Force? I thought Australia already had enough black widows

Three beans travelled around Australia together, where was their final destination? In Cairns.

What's the difference between Britain and Australia? When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.

What the difference between Australia and a glass of milk? Leave the glass of milk alone long enough and it'll develop a culture.

How do you write poop in Australia? dood

Why buttock implants are popular in Australia? Because boob jobs are cheaper down under.