Australia Jokes

Backpacking in Australia, a young Englishman found himself with time to kill in a remote outback town before the next leg of his journey. With over two hours until his bus was due, he decided to call into the town's only hotel for a beer and something to eat. As he walked in, every head at the bar turned to stare out the stranger. The silence was deafening until one of the regulars stood up and announced: "I hope you're not a pervert, because perverts aren't welcome in this town." "No," said the…

Why have elephants got four feet? Because they'd look silly with only three inches. Scientists in Australia say they've discovered that kangaroos and humans shared a common ancestor. The scientists aren't sure who it was, but they are sure he must have been pretty drunk. Conan O'Brien Two giraffes were in a race. They were neck and neck.

Actual meaning of women’s statements: Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to! We need = I want! Do what you want = You'll pay for this later! I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper....! Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive! How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like! I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV! Is my bum fat? = Tell…

Teacher: “What is further away, Australia or the Moon?” Pupil: “Australia, you can see the Moon at night!”

Teacher: “Which one is closer, Sun or Australia?” Student: “Sun” Teacher: “Why?” Student: “We can see the sun all the time, but can’t see Australia!”

A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa. The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration: "I was a father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the bible through and through on my way to Timbuktu ... " The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. B…

A man telephoned an airline office and asked, How long does it take to fly to Australia? The Clerk said, "Just a minute...." "Thank you!" the man said and hung up!

A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia." His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?" The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."

Three Signs that you need to get away from the computer: 3) You try entering your password on the microwave! 2) You email your kids in their room to tell him that lunch is ready, and they email you back, “What's for lunch dad!?” 1) You chat several times daily with a stranger from Australia, but haven't spoken to your next door neighbor in months!

Carl comes to Australia and goes to Woolworths’s (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Carl to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Carl goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food. Next week Carl finds dog food at special prices. He picks a…