Aging Jokes

A tall Mexican is riding his bike across the border when stopped by border patrol... The officer stopped him asked him a few questions. Officer: Are you smuggling anything into the country? Tall Mexican: Ches. The officer searched him and did not find any cheese. After a few more questions the tall Mexican was bussed back to Mexico. The next week the same thing happened. Officer: Are you smuggling anything into the country? Tall Mexican: Ches. Again the officer did not find any cheese, drugs, or…

What does she have that I don't? An elderly woman is living out her golden years in a retirement home. One day she spots a newcomer at BINGO. He's a dashing gentleman of about her age and though she's rather a prude she can't help but be flattered when he flirts a little with her. And though she's not sure that it's the godly thing to so, she's frankly thrilled when he returns the flirting in kind and by the time they have slurped up the last of the Jello at dinner, they're an item. A few days l…

When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather.... ... Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk, ""How much does it costs?"" ""Only one kiss per yard,"" replied the male clerk with a smirk. ""That's fine,"" said the girl. I'll take ten yards."" With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, ""Grandpa will pay the bil…

Boy in the hospital, dying of cancer and grandma misplaces her glasses at the store and buys the first card she finds ""Get Good Soon"" [8]

Nerdy Fairy Tale ""Grandmother, what big ears you have!"" ""Since I can't see you, I can at least hear you Infrared Ridinghood...""

I haven't found cancer jokes funny since.. my grandfather got killed by a giant crab.

Please don't joke about the holocaust, my grandfather died at Auschwitz He had everything taken away from him. He was a lawyer, then they didn't let Jews practice laws, so he packed shells full of explosive powder for 12 hours a day, then he was sent to the camps where he dug holes until a guard shot him for no reason. He was exterminated. That guard was never tried and ended up being a dentist in Stuttgart after the war.

What do you call an elderly person from Spain? Senor citizen.

/r/Jokes roulette! Pick a joke from /r/Jokes having read only the title, and the first time you read it, do so aloud to a mother/grandmother/teacher/feminist/racial minority. Preferably with a few friends who will all do the same. Worst of luck to you!

A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: ""Degree put the toy back""! A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name? The grandma replied ""Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back""

What did the buddhist monk say when he was asked if he was leaving? Na 'ma stay. (namaste) Grandfather joke at Easter dinner last sunday. Sorry.

My grandma got breast cancer and is getting a mastectomy. That's certainly a weight off her chest.

Nazi Grandfather As a German I occasionally have to put up with some Nazi crap. That is normally the time when I tell them that my grandfather died in a concentration camp. After receiving that information the person making the Nazi remarks generally becomes very quiet and seems rather embarrassed. That is until I elucidate and inform them that he was rather drunk and fell off the watchtower...

Back in my day A 70 year old German grandfather walks in his grandson's bedroom while he plays Minecraft. Suddenly the Grandfather says ""All you kids play these days is Minecraft, back in my day the only thing we had was Meinkampf"".

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather But not like the rest of this joke, getting beaten like a dead horse

A vacuum salesman knocks on the front door of a home... and an elderly lady answers the door. The salesman explains who he is, who he works for, and proclaims that if she will show him her vacuum cleaner and how good it works then he will show her a vacuum that costs less and works better. She agrees, lets him in, and offers him a seat on the couch. She says she will have to go get her vacuum and it will be a minute. He takes a seat and begins to eat some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the side ta…

Jackpot! I'm working as a clerk in a retirement home's activity center. I notice Bob, one of our residents, is feeding a dollar into the change machine. ""Jackpot!"" he says as he collects his quarters. This goes on pretty much all day. Bob even came up and turned in about $100 worth of quarters into dollar bills throughout the day. Each and every time he'd feed in a dollar, we'd hear ""Jackpot!"" ring out with glee. It was awesome at first, seeing how excited he was, but it got a bit annoying t…

My grandpa's a total perv My mom told me he had a stroke at my sisters dance recital!

The worst part about grandma's Alzheimer's is watching her slowly forget about Dre

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather Not yelling and screaming, like the passengers in his car.

My grandpa said that this generation relies too much on technology. I told him his generation relied on it more. Then I unplugged his life support.

I was told she was ugly and hairy Later that day, he makes his way up the drive-way he sees the woman crying again. He goes up to the top of his lungs..... That same day the boy says ""grandpa, grandpa I found a packet of cotton wool.

A father was listening in on his daughter's nightly prayers He stands with his ear to the door and hears her begin. ""Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy, thank you for Daddy, thank you for Grandma, Bye bye Grandpa!"" Huh? Weird. He doesn't think much about it and goes to bed. The next morning grandpa is dead in the living room. So he listens at her door that night, for surely this is just a coincidence. ""Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy, thank you for Daddy, bye bye Grandma!"" Ok, he's gotta admit , …

A man asks an old man a question Man: Do you want to go to the ballgame? Old man: What? Man: Do you want to go to the BALLGAME? Old man: WHAT? Man: I said, DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE BALLGAME? Old man: No I'm going to the ballgame. *My grandfather told me this one this weekend. He's losing his hearing and has a sense of humor.