Abraham Lincoln Jokes

It was Donald Trump's first day in office, and he had no clue what to do... He decided to call upon the ghosts of previous great presidents to ask for their advice. ""What do I have to do to become a great president?"" Trump asked the ghost of George Washington. ""You must never tell a lie,"" Washington responded. Trump scoffed. ""No way! do you really expect me to do that? You're useless Washington."" The ghost vanished, only to be replaced by the spirit of Thomas Jefferson. ""What must I do to…

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade... The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'' Again, no response except from Chandr…

Indian student's first day in US School It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: Chandrasekhar :- 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said. 'Very good! Teacher :- Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the Peo…

The teacher said.. Let's begin by reviewing some history. Who said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death!'? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: ""Patrick Henry, 1775,"" he said. ""Very good! ""Who said: 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth!'?"" Again, no response except from Little Akio: ""Abraham Lincoln, 1863."" ""Excellent!"" said the teacher continuing. ""Le…

A young Gujrati boy named Jignesh starts attending public school in a small town in United States. The teacher of the school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks a question and the student to give correct answer gets $50 prize. She asks the class, ""Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"" A girl raises her hand and says, ""I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country."" The teacher replies, ""Well.…

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade... The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'' Again, no response except from Chandr…

Lincoln walks into a bar An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, ""Going to a party?"" ""Yeah, a costume party,"" the man answers, ""I'm supposed to come as my love life."" ""But you look like Abraham Lincoln,"" protests the bartender. ""That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago.""

An Italian guy named Vinny comes to America to become an American Citizen... To become an American citizen Vinny has to go to court and stand in front of a judge. Vinny brings his whole family to the courtroom to cheer him on. They are a very loud and rambunctious Italian family. Vinny stands in front of the judge and the judge says, ""Ok Vinny, before you become an American citizen I have to ask you a few questions about American history"" Vinny very confidently says, ""Hey, not a problem judge…

A man dies and goes to Heaven A man dies and goes to heaven, he goes to the gates and meets St. Peter. He sees a wall of clocks and. Ask ""what's with all the clocks? They all have different times"" St. Peter replies ""they represent people's lies. The more they lie, the more they turn."" He looks around and sees a clock that never moved and asks ""whose clock is that, it looks like it's still"" St. Peter replies ""That's St. Theresa's, she's never told a lie."" He then sees a clock and asks ""w…

BUSINESS IS BUSINESS A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, ""Who was the greatest man that ever lived?""A girl raises her hand and says, ""I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country."" The teacher replies, ""Well...that's a good answer, but that's not the answer I am looking for.""Another y…

I saw a guy wearing a stovepipe hat the other day... ...so I said, ""Hey! Abraham Lincoln called and he wants..."" Then I realized, they didn't have phones in the mid 1800s.

I'm a huge fan of politically incorrect jokes. Listen to this absolute classic: ""Abraham Lincoln was never president""!

Teacher & Student Teacher asked the students to tell the importance of the year 1809. John stand up and said ""Abraham Lincoln was born"" Then teacher again asked the students to tell the importance of another year 1819 Then Sam suddenly stand up and said ""Abraham Lincoln was ten years old""!

You wanna know why Indian Students are disliked abroad?? read on.....It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall…

Which American President was least guilty? Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.

Abraham Lincoln. The reason I now have to hire a dishwasher instead of buying one.

Abraham Lincoln wakes up one morning and sees that his neighbor's bushes are growing into Lincoln's property. Lincoln goes over to his neighbor and asks him why he let the bushes overgrow. The neighbor responds angrily, ""Well, I used to have someone who took care of that sort of thing, but then you took him away from me!""

I'm speechless. t was oral examination in the standard two. The class teacher asked various questions to the students. She asked Tom, Can you tell me a name of an animal that starts with alphabet E'? Tom replied ELEPHANT' Teacher asked him again to name an animal that starts with alphabet T'. Tom replied Two Elephants' Teacher asked him the same question. Tom replied Ten Elephants' Annoyed teacher, asked him name an animal that starts with alphabet M' Tom replied Mother Elephant' The angry teach…

Clocks A man does and goes to heaven, as he aproaches the pearly gates he sees St. Peter and a wall behind him. ""St Peter, mind my questioning, but why are there clocks?"" St Peter smiled and motioned for the man to follow him. As they got to the end of the wall they saw two labeled ""Mother Teresa"" and ""Abraham Lincoln"". ""These display how many times each of these people have lied. As you can see, it is still midnight on Mother Theresa's clock. She has never lied. Its also 12:02 on Abraham…

An elementary teacher told her students that if they could answer the questions correctly they would be dismissed from class. The teacher asked, ""Who said 'A house divided against itself cannot stand'?"" Susan in the front raised her hand and said ""Abraham Lincoln"" and she was allowed to leave. The teacher then asked, ""Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?"" Abby, who was also sitting in the front, raised her hand and said ""John F Kennedy…

I'm leaving Washington D.C. and... I'm on the plane sitting next a cute girl. We talk about our experiences in D.C and what we did over the weekend, which museums we went to yaddyaddyadah I then ask her: ""Did you go to see the monuments?"" She quickly but disappointingly responds: ""yes, we went and saw all of them, but I'm not a huge monument person."" I respond: ""oh, that's unfortunate. You know who is a giant monument person?"" Her interest peaked: ""no, who?!"" Me: ""Abraham Lincoln."" . S…

Be the change you wish to see in the world. -Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Thomas Jefferson

never trust quotes from the Internet ~Abraham Lincoln

The trouble with quotes on the internet. ""The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine."" - Abraham Lincoln.

A week before Abraham Lincoln was shot he was in Monroe, Maryland... A week before Kennedy was shot he was in Marilyn Monroe.