Vampire Jokes

If Dracula was gay... ...he'd be a fruit bat.

Help me with this Vampire joke I did think of a joke today but I can't get it right. Is about no one wants to come second at the Vampire olympics because they can't have silver. Can someone help me how one could phrase this joke?

3 Vampires walk into a bar So 3 vampires walk in to a bar and sit down, bartender walks up and ask the first vampire ""what'll ya have?"" ""I'll have a frothy mug of blood please"" so bartender pours him a mug of blood, bartender then asked the second vampire ""what'll ya have?"" ""I'll have a tall glass of blood please"" so bartender pours him a tall glass of blood, bartender then asked the third vampire ""what'll ya have?"" ""I'll have a cup of hot boiling water please"". Bartender stood there…

""You know, I'm doomed to get eternal damnation to the Hell"" said Edward Cullen. -- Because you are a vampire, creature of Night and Darkness? -- No, because I'm an atheist.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? ""See you in 30 days!""

What do you call a gay vampire? A fruit bat.

What do you call a teenage boy who turns into a vampire before he gets bit? Premature Edraculation

What did the vampire say to his girlfriend at school? See you next period!

Why did Dracula's mother give him cough syrup? Because Dracula was coffin. Source: A Laffy Taffy wrapper.

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month

It was so difficult giving Dracula fellatio! I guess I went down for the count.

One More Hilarious Vampire Joke ...actually it sucks.

Two vampires go on vacation I read [this vampire joke](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2qph5b/one_of_the_funniest_vampire_jokes/) and it reminded me of one I heard many years ago. --- Two vampires were out for a stroll in Transylvania. ""You know, I have been getting sick of eating the same thing every night."" The first said to the second. ""I was just thinking the same thing"" the second replied. ""It will still be a few months until tourism picks up again too"" he lamented. ""Perhaps …

Vampire limerick A tad less obvious than most......... There was a young vampire called Mable, who's periods were very stable. Every full moon she would get out a spoon , and drink herself under the table.

I also have a Vampire joke, but I won't tell it to you. Because it sucks.

Lesbian Vampires What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month! Credit : /u/andrej88

I enjoyed your vampire joke and remembered this one, check it out. There was this bar for vampires only. It was crowded with famous and rich vampires like Dracula, Nosferatu, Edward, Selene, Victor... Dracula himself was enjoying a cup of 18 y/o O negative, delicious. And this skinny looking vampire enters the bar and asks for a cup of hot water. No blood. The bartender is a bit skeptical - ""what are you doing with a cup of hot water?!"" ""just found a used tampon, gonna make myself some tea""

Two nuns sitting in a car at lights... ... when Dracula jumps on the bonnet and roars an evil roar. ""Quick, show him your cross!"" ""Oi Dracula, get off my damn car!""

One of the funniest vampire jokes ever! Never mind, it sucks.

A funnier shorter vampire joke What did the vampire say to the woman teacher? Bla...bla..see you next period.

A vampire walked into a bar... A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of blood. The bartender give the vampire a shot of blood. Vampire pays, drinks, says thanks and then leaves. The next time the vampire walks into the bar, orders a shot of blood, same thing happens. Bartender gives the shot of blood, vampire pays drinks and leaves. Third time the vampire walked into the bar, the bartender gets ready to poor a shot of blood. Vampire says ""no thanks I would just like a mug of hot water pl…

So a vampire walks in to a bar... He walks up to the bartender and asks for a glass of blood. The bartender looks at him like what the hell and the vampire replies "" its ok I'm a vampire I'll take my glass of blood and be on my way."" He finishes his drink and sets the glass down and heads out the door. The next day he comes in and asks for two shots of blood and the bartender pulls out his bottle of blood pours 2 shots the vampire drinks it and heads out. The next day as the vampire is walking…

Three apprentice vampire bats are taken out to a farm and told to get as much blood as they can find by their teacher. 15 minutes go by and the first vampire bay returns with a little bit of blood on his teeth. 'Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher. 'Do you see that chicken? That's where I got it.' the bat replied. Shortly after the second vampire bat returns with blood dripping from his snout. Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher. 'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that …

Alucard is a vampire. Spell his name backwards it's Dracula. Dracula was a vampire. Alucard is Dracula. I bet Alucard last name is Yagami. Alucard Yagami in Japan would make it appear like this: Yagami Alucard. Reverse the names and it will say I'm a gay Dracula. Translate it and it will say Edward Cullen.

A limerick... there was a young vampire called mable. Whose periods were always quite stable. Every full moon, She'd pull out a spoon And drink herself under the table