Vampire Jokes

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin? It wanted to play squash.

What is a vampire's favorite sport? Batminton.

What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!

Did you know that Dracula wants to become a comedian? He's looking for a crypt writer.

Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they're always out for blood!

What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ? Jack-u-la !

What is the best way to talk to a vampire? By long distance.

MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.

What does Dracula say to his victims? It's been nice gnawing you.

Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.

How does a vampire clean his house? With a victim cleaner.

Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed.

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? Coffin medicine.

What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he's a pain in the neck.

Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded? Because he was a complete sucker.

Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business.

Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lightning.

What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic? Wait for him to give it back.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot? A bite in shining armor.

What's a vampire's favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.

What is the vampire's favorite slogan? Please Give Blood Generously.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail? The world's slowest vampire.

What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

How does Dracula keep fit? He plays batminton.