Vampire Jokes

Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The bride of Dracula' last night.' 'Oh yeah' said the other ' what was she like ?' 'Well she was about six foot six white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs.' The other said 'Yes but what was 'The Bride of Dracula' like ?'

Where does a vampire take a bath? In the bat-room (bathroom).

eer booze and fun!' 'Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds ""I vould like some blood."" The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds ""I vould like some blood."" The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds ""I vould like some plasma."" The waitress looks up and says ""Let me see if I have t…

Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food? He wanted something to get his teeth into.

When the picture of the vampire's grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean? That the nail had come out of the wall.

What is a vampire's favourite soup ? Scream of mushroom !

What is Dracula's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

What did the vampire call his false teeth? A new fangled device.

Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back pocket.

Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep but they persisted until he finally gave in. ""OK follow me."" He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and al…

Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.

How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub.

Three vampires walk into a bar... ...and sit down. The bartender comes over and ask them what they want to drink. 1st vampire: "Give me a shot of blood." 2nd vampire: "I want a double shot." 3rd vampire: "All I want is a cup of hot water." The bartender goes and gets the drinks and comes back. He hands them the drinks, but looks kind of confused. The bartender asked the 3rd vampire, "Why didn't you order any blood?" The vampire pulls out a tampon and replies "I'm making tea."

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month? (sorry if repost)

A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated... They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?" "Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood." "Alright." "I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said. "Noted." "One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?" "Sure thing." **Poof** He became a maxi pad.

Someone called my call center today to tell a joke I don't think I've ever heard: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite

Pint of blood please.... A Vampire walks into a bar and asks for a pint of Blood. The Bartender explains that this is a regular bar and they only sell alcohol, so he offers the Vampire a whiskey instead. Another vampire walks into the bar and asks for a pint of Blood. The bartender explains again that they dont sell Blood and offers the Vampire a Vodka. The Vampire accepts and sits down. A third Vampire enters and approaches the bar. Just before the bartender can contest, the Vampire asks for…

A Halloween Limerick A lady vampire named Mable Had a period that was awfully stable. So once a full moon She took out her spoon And drank herself under the table.

Finest Bat Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner! So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the…

3 vampires walk into a bar There were these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood and vodka." The bartender gives him the shot of blood and vodka. The vampire drinks it, and leaves. The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood and vodka." The bartender gives him the shot of blood and vodka. The vampire drinks it, and leaves. The third vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a mug of ho…

Three vampire bats live in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night, the bats bet on who can drink the most blood. The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people." The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of five people." The third bat comes back covered in blood. He says, "See that castle over there?" The other bats nod. "Well," says th…

I'm a vampire that only feeds only on virgin blood... I'm 100% self-sufficient.

There was a vampire who drank his own blood He said it tasted irony.

Three Vampires in a bar Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one signals the bartender and says, " I'll take one pint of blood." The bartender says ok and served him the pint of blood. The second vampire signals the bartender and says, " I'll take two pints of blood." The bartender says ok and serves him the two pints of blood. The third vampire signals the bartender and before he can order the bartender says, "Let me guess, you want three pints of blood." The vampire …