Vampire Jokes

Vampires at the bar Rich Vampire: I want a fresh blood from a healthy human! Ordinary Vampire: Ordinary blood please! Poor Vampire: Excuse me! Can you give me a hot water? I'll make tea instead. (pulls out tampon)

What do you call a Jewish vampire? Nosferajew!

I once knew a vampire who refused to drink blood He would satisfy his cravings with fake blood, which his body rejected and he ended up dying from it. I asked him on his death bed how the fake blood tasted and he said ""a little irony""

Dracula & Frankenstein are in the heavyweight championship. Who wins? Dracula. Frankenstein went down for the count.

My favorite Vampire Joke from this thread 3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them. The strongest one started 1st, ""watch this,"" He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. ""what happened?"" they asked. ""did you see that house over there?"" ""yes?"" ""well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!"" ""wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire""…

Dracula must have a hard life... It sucks to live forever

What's a vampire's favorite fruit. Neck-tarine

How do you know if a Russian vampire is gay? If Vladimir Putin it in the butt.

I think that I've been bitten by a vampire... Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

3 Vampires meet in a crossroad The 1st vampire said ""see that village over there? I'm gonna suck their blood dry"", 30 minutes later he come back with mouth full of bloodstain ""Nobody's alive in that village anymore"". The 2nd vampire doesn't want to lose, he said ""see that town over there? I'm gonna suck their blood dry"", 10 minutes later he come back with face covered in bloodstain, ""That city is dead"". The 3rd vampire is so eager to compete he quickly go to the direction of a big city w…

What do you feed a fat vampire? One stake should be enough

What must a vampire earn to learn to fly? His red wings.

I didn't know what I was missing until I dated a vampire. They always beg you to let them swallow.

What is a Canadian vampire's favourite drink? Type Eh.

What happens if you cross a snowman and a vampire? You get a frostbite.

When Dracula went to the blood bank, he said: ""Do you deliver?""

Did you hear about the wrestler who was beaten by a vampire? He was down for the count

Vampire Bat and their Fellows !!! A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.""OK, follow me"" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a…

What's a vampire cows worst fear? Steaks.

How does Dracula eat his food? In *bite* size pieces

i'd tell a joke about a vampire but... it'll suck

What do you get when a vampire bites a goblin? A Hemogoblin

What did one lesbian vampire say to another? See you next month.

What do you call an amorous vampire? A neck-romancer

What happens when you mix a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite