Second Man Jokes

On the top floor of a hotel, there was a panorama bar... ...and two men were each enjoying a quiet drink. One of them asks the other: ""What are you drinking?"" The other replies: ""Scotch, single malt. It's pretty good."" Then the first man says ""You should really try out this bourbon right here - two shots of these, and you can do anything."" The second man wasn't convinced, so it was up to the first man to prove it. He swallowed his drink, went over to the window and jumped out fell all the …

No dogs allowed here A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says ""You can't bring that dog in here!"" The guy, without missing a beat, says ""This is my seeing-eye dog."" ""Oh man, "" the bartender says, ""I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me."" The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says ""You can't bring that dog in here unless you te…

Death or Boogaloo""? Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders. The chief walks to the men and says, "" What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?"" The first man thinks for a second and replies, ""I choose Boogaloo"". The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant ""boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo"". The chief takes the man, be…

Two friends decide to play golf One day two friends decide to play a round of golf at the nearest course. They both bring a glove, one tee, and 2 balls. The first man gets as far as the 12th hole and the second man loses his glove on the 15th hole. They both leave when the second man finishes. The first man then goes to the doctor to get a physical. The doctor does his thing then when he checks for a hernia, he notices a different problem. The first man somehow doesn't have his manhood anymore. …

A man arrives at the gates of heaven... There are 2 men in front of him. God lets the first man in and he receives an old dirty truck in terrible condition. He says ""I guess that's what I get for cheating on my wife 10 times."" God let's the second man in. He receives an old car in bad condition. He says ""This is what I get for cheating on my wife 5 times. The final man gets a brand new Lamborghini. ""This is what I get for never cheating on my wife."" The next day, the two men see the faithfu…

Three elderly men at a retirement home were complaining to each other of their constipation issues The first one said ""I wake up everyday for breakfast at seven in the morning and I can't take a piss until ten"". The second man replied ""You think you have it bad? I can't take a piss or a shit until the afternoon even with all the laxatives!"". The third elderly man told the two ""You think you two have it bad?! I piss and shit at eight in the morning!"". ""Well what's so bad about that?"" They…

3 men are walking in a desert... After awhile they came upon a goat farm. Tired from their journey the men ask the farmer if they can rest there for the night. The farmer agrees but says there's only room for two of them in the house, the other will have to sleep in the barn. The men squabble a bit but soon 1 relents and agrees to stay in the barn. That night the two men meet the farmers daughters,one with beautiful eyes the other with beautiful hair. The men get close to the daughters and that …

18 Daughters Joke Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said "" no but you can sleep with the cows."…

Three businessmen are playing golf... ... the first man puts his thumb to his ear, his pinkie to his mouth, and just starts talking. The other men are confused, but the first man says ""It's just a phone call, I had a microphone installed in my pinkie and a speaker installed in my thumb!"" The second man is about to tee off when he pauses and just starts talking to himself. He explains to the men he has a microphone in a tooth and a speaker in his ear for business calls. Suddenly, the third man …

Two people were debating first man : Polish are inherently stupid people on earth second man: that's not true first man : prove it second man : let's ask a Sardar.

Three guys are stranded in a jungle... ...And they encountered a native tribe who lived there. The natives tell the three men that they must complete a ritual, or else they will be killed. The first part of the ritual consists of going into the jungle and finding any 10 fruit and bringing them to the tribe. The first guy goes out and finds apples, so he brings back 10 apples. He is then told to drop his pants and the natives inform him that they will shove all 10 apples up his ass. If he shows a…

Mean when drunk Two men are drinking at a bar. One man goes to the other ""did you know if you jump out that window you will fall three stories then the wind will blow you around the building and in through a window."" The other man says ""Bullshit"" The first man goes ""look I will show you."" He then jumps out the window. Sure enough three stories down he got blown around the building and in through a window. He goes back up to the other man and goes ""Your turn"". The second man jumps and fal…

Old but gold Three guys are trapped on an island with cannibals. The cannibals tell them that if they want to survive, they must each find ten of the same fruit and return to the cannibals to receiver their next instruction. The first man returns with ten apples and the cannibals tell him he must shove all ten apples up his butt without any changing facial expression and they won't eat him. After about eight apples, the man's face becomes strained, and the cannibals eat him. The second man retur…

Three adventures venture into the depths of the amazon jungle. After days in the jungle, they get caught by a cannibal tribe and are brought to the village. Bound and beaten, they are approached by the tribes shaman. The shaman explains to them that: ""we believe that we can't eat bodies of creatures with strong spirit. If you complete our challenge, you are free to go and no one will harm you. The rules are simple, take a basket, fill it with one sort of fruits and come back to me, then I'll ex…

Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up. The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids. The first man says, ""I'm really proud of my son. He started off as a small realtor showing houses every day and working himself to death, but it paid off! Now he owns his own real estate business that has offices across the country. In fact, he's done so we…

Three old men discuss what is the fastest thing that exists... The first man says: ""Well, for sure it's light. Light is the fastest thing in the universe"". The second man says: ""You're not wrong, but I think thought is the fastest thing in the universe... You can travel anywhere with your mind in an instant"". The third man says: ""Well... both of these are good ideas but I have one that beats it... The fastest thing is the shits... because if you get the shits, you won't have time to neither…

Two guys walk up to the urinal... Two men walk up to the urinals and start to piss. One takes a glance over at the others unit and is shocked. ""Hey what happened to you man! I've never seen such a thing in my life!"" The guy with the mangled member shrugs, ""Its just always been like this I guess, honestly I don't go looking so I've never seen one like yours either."" They both continue their business and the ""normal"" unit finishes and shakes off. The second man says ""Hey why did you do that…

Two men see a dog licking its nads The first man says, ""I wish I could do that."" The second man says, ""What do you mean? Anyone can lick a dog's nads.""

Three men stand at the gates of heaven St. Peter looks at the 3 men and says, ""in order to get around up here, you will all need a car. In heaven, we distribute cars to everyone based on how faithful you were to your spouse before you died. The first man tells St. Peter, ""I never as much as looked at another woman. I would never even think about being with anyone except my wife."" St. Peter nods and gives the first man a brand new Rolls Royce. The second man tells St. Peter, ""I was not a perf…

Three men are waiting at the gates to heaven When they are told they will receive a better car, the more loyal they were to their wives. The first man approaches St. Peter and St. Peter says ""you sir were very loyal to your wife you get a Lamborghini"" the man thanks St. Peter, gets in his car and drives through the gates. The second man approaches St. Peter and St. Peter says ""you sir were loyal except for one instance. You get a Chrysler"" the man expresses his regret and enters through the …

be ""chemistry""ful before you ask for something Two man walk into a bar, first man to bartender, ""Can I have an H2O"" As the bartender tends to the first man, the second man ""That sounds cool, can I have an H2O too"" and they found the second man dead after some time

Three men are talking about their wives... There are three men sat around a table in a bar. The first man says, ""I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician. When I got home last night I found a pair of pliers and some insulating tape behind the radiator in the bedroom - we've not had any work done on the house, and I can't think of any other way they could have got there"" The second man says, ""I think my wife is having an affair with a carpenter. Last night I found a toolbelt in …

Two men are in the operating room getting prepared for surgery. One says to the other, ""Hey buddy, what are you in for?"" The other says, "" I'm here to get my tonsils taken out"" The first man says ""Oh that's not so bad. I had that done when I was younger, and I got to eat ice cream for two days strait."" The second man felt at ease with this reassurance. ""Thanks for that, doesn't sound so bad. What about you, what are you in for?"" The first man says, ""I'm here to get circumcised."" The se…

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass... One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, ""Why are you eating grass?"" ""We don't have any money for food,"" the poor man replied. ""We have to eat grass."" ""Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,"" the lawyer sai…

I'm the best lover... ""I'm the best lover"" says a man to his two friends, ""I made love to my wife ten times last night and in the morning she said she could never love another man."" ""That's nothing,"" says the second man, ""I made love to my wife twenty times last night and my wife said she would kill herself should I ever leave her."" ""I only made love to my wife once last night,"" Says the third man, dejectedly. The other two are shocked. ""What did she say in the morning?"" Asked one. "…