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Second Man Jokes

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Easter Joke Three men are waiting for Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates to get into Heaven. St. Peter arrives and tells them they can enter Heaven but first he wants to ask them a question. He looks at the first man and asks ""what is Easter?"". The man says, ""That's easy. It is when you put up a tree and put presents under it and Santa comes.... Saint Peter interrupts him and says ""No, that is not Easter."" He looks at the second man and asks ""What is Easter?"" The second man says, ""That's ea

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Father Murphy walks into a pub ... Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" The man said ""I do, Father"". The priest said ""Then stand over there against the wall"". Then the priest asked the second man ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" ""Certainly, Father"" was the man's reply. ""Then stand over there against the wall"" said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" O'Toole

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Two men are talking at a job placement office about how difficult it is to get a job when you have a criminal record. The first guy says, ""Well, it's all about putting a positive spin on it. Take me for example, I was arrested for trying to rob the same convenience store 6 times. So I tell people that I'm persistent, tenacious, and refuse to give up on a task once I've started it. What's in your past?"" Before the second man can answer, he's called in for his interview. 10 minutes later he walk

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Two men are sitting in a saloon.. They're arguing about whose horse can go longer without drinking water. One man says ""ill bet you $20 that my horse can drink enough water to go two days without another drink."" The other man says, ""well i'll bet you $50 that my horse can drink enough water to go four days without another drink."" Suddenly a man that had been sitting at the end of the bar speaks up, ""i'll bet you both $100 that MY horse can drink enough water to go for SEVEN days without ano

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Two guys are playing golf... ...When they're being held up by two ladies ahead of them. Frustrated that they're being delayed, one of them says ""I'm going to go up there and ask them to either hurry it up, or let us play through."" About ten minutes later, he comes back looking somewhat sheepish. The other guy asks what happened and he responds with ""Well, when I got close enough to them I realized that one of them was my wife, and the other is my lover! I ducked out of there before they saw m

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A man goes to a coffee shop... A man goes into a coffee shop and orders a drink. After he sits down at a table, he notices a man across the shop. The other man lifts two fingers to his nose, sniffs, and then says ""Francine, Francine."" The man thinks this is odd, but finishes his drink and goes along his way. The next day, the man goes to the coffee shop and sees the same man again. Once again, he lifts two fingers to his nose, sniffs, and says ""Francine, Francine."" The first man is too curio

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Three men run into a yeti... Three men get stranded in Antarctica. While searching for a place to camp out, they run into a yeti. The yeti says ""Each of you bring me a fruit or I'll kill you."" The first man comes back with strawberries and the yeti says ""Shove them up your ass."" He does so and begins crying. The second man comes back with oranges and the yeti says ""Shove them up your ass."" He does so and begins crying. While the two men are crying, they slowly transition into laughing and

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A troll is guarding a bridge across a long river. Translated from Polish. 3 men want to cross the bridge. The troll says to go off and come back with their favourite plant. The first man comes back with a tulip. The troll tells the man to shove it up his ass. He does, then crosses the bridge. The second man comes back with a rose. The troll tells him to shove it up his ass. The man starts laughing and crying simultaneously. The troll asks, ""Why are you crying?"" ""Because the thorns hurt,"" the

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2 men sit down for a lunch 2 men sit down for lunch. One man says, ""Hey I have some medication I need to take before we start eating do you mind if I take it right now?"" Second man says, ""No not at all."" The first man starts taking out several amber vials, opens them and puts 1 or 2 tablets in the cap. The second man says, ""So how are you supposed to take these medications?"" the first man replies, ""I take this twice a day, this one three times a day, this one once at lunch, and so on."" T

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Home Depot A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While he's waiting he sees another man sitting across from him who looks up and asks, ""What are you looking at?"" The first man says, ""Nothing."" At that point, the second man jumps up and beats the shit out of the first man and knocks him out, he then looks at the bartender and says, ""When he wakes up, tell him that was Jujutsu from Japan. The next day, bruised and sore, the man returns to the bar, sees the man who beat him up and approac

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The bellringer for the local church died... And the priest sent out a notice for a job opening. 3 men applied for the job. One with no arms, one with no legs, and one with no arms or legs. So the man with no arms got the first interview. He meets the priest in the bell tower, and the priest says ""How are you planning to ring the bell?! You have no arms!"" And the man says ""like this!"" And he jumps up and kicks the bell, and the priest said ""ok, well I'll give you a call if you get the job""

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3 men are in a jungle... when they are ambushed by a group of savages. The savages give them a choice; find 10 pieces of one fruit and shove them up their butts without showing any emotion, or get shot. All 3 men, liking their chances, go into the jungle to collect 10 fruits. The first man comes back with 10 strawberries, shoves 6 up his butt, but starts crying. He gets shot and goes to heaven. The second man comes back with 10 blueberries. He shoves 9 up his butt, however right before he can fi

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""Would you sleep with your mother to save her life?"" Two friends are approached on the street by a man conducting a psychological survey. He asks one of the men ""Would you sleep with your mother to save her life?"" The first man is appalled, ""I could never do that"" ""What about you?"" The surveyor asks the second man. ""Of course I would!"" He responds enthusiastically. ""What? Really?"" The first main spouts in horror. ""Sure, your Mom is hot""

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The Assassin's Interview Not mine read somewhere thought you guys will like it: The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. ""We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!""

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An emperor is on his death be and is seeking somebody worthy to take his place... He arranges for men who think they are worthy to come before him and demonstrate why they believe they can take his place. The first guy comes in. The emperor asks him ""What makes you believe you are worthy to become emperor?"" Without a word the guy opens a small box and a bumble bee flies out. Without looking at the bee, the man quickly draws his sword and swings at the bee in one swift motion. The bee falls to

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Three Men in the Middle of the Desert There are three men stranded in the middle of the desert. Doomed to waste away without any rescue on the way they are approached by a genie, granting them each a wish, but that wish cannot be to get out of the desert. The first man replies 'Well I wish for enough water and food to last us the entire time we are trapped here, to ensure our survival'. The second man replies ""How about a map, Genie? That way we will surely find a way out of here at some point.

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Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, decided to stay with 3 Daughters of.. Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and

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Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven Where they are met by Saint Peter. ""In order to get in,"" he tells them, "" you must each produce something representative of the holidays."" The first digs through his pocket and pulls out a match and lights it. "" this represents a candle of hope."" Impressed, Peter allows the first man through. The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. "" these are bells."" He says. Peter allows him through also. "" so,"" Peter says to third ma

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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. ""In honor of this holy season,"" Saint Peter said, ""You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."" The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ""It represents a candle,"" he said. ""You may pass through the pearly gates,"" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ""They'r

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The CIA had an open position for an assassin The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man

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