Second Man Jokes

A Fast Taxi Driver Three men walked out of a bar, terribly drunk. Because they lived in the same apartment building 10 blocks away, they hailed one taxi to share the ride. The taxi driver saw that the three men where thoroughly drunk and was planning on tricking them. He drove one block down the street and stopped, telling the men that they arrived. The first man thanked the taxi driver and paid for the ride. The second man, fumbling with his wallet accidentally tipped the driver $50. The taxi d…

3 Mexicans are about to cross the border They are stopped by the border patrol who stops the first Mexican and says, ""If you can say the entire English alphabet, I'll let you pass"", the Mexican agrees and goes, ""A, B, C, D..... ahhh I can't do it!"", and walks away the border patrol stops the second man and says, ""If you can count to 10, I'll let you pass"" The Mexican agrees and says, ""1, 2, 3, 4, ahhhh.... I can't do it!"" and walks away the border patrol stops the third man and says, ""I…

The 3 men A king of a foreign land summons 3 men. He tells them ""bring me your favorite flower"" the first man brings a sunflower, and the king tell him to eat it, which he does with ease. The second man brings a rose, and the king tells him to eat it. While eating the rose,he's crying and hysterically laughing. The king asks, why are you crying. He answers"" because it's sharp"" then why are you laughing ? He aswers"" I saw the third guy hauling a giant cactus."" F.Y.I- this is a tamed version

18 daughters Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said "" no but you can sleep with the cows."" the…

3 men walk into a hotel. Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said "" no but you can sleep with the…

WALKS INTO A BAR... FREE DRINKS A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8. ""But I already paid you. Don't you remember?"" says the customer. ""OK,"" says the bartender, ""if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."" The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stun…

Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash. Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says: ""Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you"", she says to the first guy, ""and the other day it's the other"". And so they have a whale of time taking turns, enjoying their business together for one whole mon…

2 men meet as ghosts after death. The first man asks the second man, ""How did you die?"" The second man replies, "" I froze to death, and you?"" The first man says, "" I had a heart attack."" The second man asks, ""how could that have happened?"" First man says,"" I was gardening outside my house and heard an unusual sound and assumed by wife was cheating on me, rushing into the house I looked everywhere but could not find the man, feeling so ashamed of accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a h…

Three men were driving down a lonely country road one night Suddenly, the car broke down. One man was a mechanic, but try as he might, he couldn't get the car to start. They checked, but there was no cell phone reception for at least a hundred yards in every direction. Looking around, they saw a dim light far in the distance, and with no other option, they headed towards it. About halfway there, the wind was becoming fierce. A storm was brewing. They had a brief debate on whether or not to go ba…

Three men were married to girls from different parts of the world. The first man married a girl from Sweden. He told her that she must do the housework. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see the house clean. The second man married a girl from Thailand. He told her that she must do the housework and have his dinner fixed promptly at 6pm every day. On the first and second days, he didn't see any results, but on the third day he came home and found his dinner on the ta…

Stranded unfortunately... 3 men survive a plane crash in the ocean and wash up on a random remote island. They are soon captured by the local natives who tie them up and keep them captive. After a few days of being tied up, the are brought in front of The Chief. The Chief informs them that they're to go out into the jungle and find 10 pieces of the exact same fruit and bring them back here for judgement. If they fail the judgement then they will be eaten! The Chief also informs that if they try …

Mysterious Tracks Three friends are walking through the woods when they come across a pair of tracks. One of them exclaims, ""Those are bear tracks! We'd better be careful."" ""Are you stupid? Those are way too small. Probably just a dog,"" says the second man. The third man says, ""I may not know a thing about animals, but-"" And then a train hit them.

2 men and their thirst for extreme! 2 men are standing on the ledge of a cliff... One man has a Budgie on his shoulder and the other has a parrot on his shoulder and a gun attached to his hip. The first man with the Budgie, jumps off the cliff and as he falls the Budgie immediately flies away. The man plunges to the ground, miraculously he survives but he is no doubt crippled. The second man with the Parrot and the gun, now jump off the cliff and as he falls the Parrot flies away but the man qui…

Three men are ship wrecked After a week on the island they are discovered by a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals take them to their chief who gives the stranded men a choice. Go out into the woods, gather ten of your favorite fruit and return to me for further instruction, refuse and die. So the men set out. After a few hours the first man returns with 10 bananas. ""What now?"" he asked the chief. ""Take your fruit and start shoving it up your ass, if you make a sound we kill you"". The man gets…

A man walks into a shop and asks for a fork. He gets one and walks out the door. A second man walks into a shop and asks for a fork. The shopkeeper gives him the fork and the man walks out the door. A third man walks in and asks for a straw. The shopkeeper asks, ""Why do you want a straw when everybody else wants a fork?"" The man replies, ""Somebody spewed up on the sidewalk and all the chunky bits are gone!""

A police officer on a bike route sees 2 men arguing. The officer slows down to observe, and to see if the argument would become violent. The 2 men are bitter, and get louder by the minute. Suddenly, they both reach into their pockets. The first man pulls out some sodium chloride and throws it at the second man, while the second man get a 9 volt and 2 AA's and throws them at the first man. The officer calls for backup, and the 2 men are arrested for assault and battery.

[long] A man walks into a bar on the 30th floor.... A second man already sits at the bar drinking alone and looking a little lonely so the he goes to sit by him and orders a drink. The second man looks over at him, smiles, and says: ""You know, this bar is in just the right place that if you jump out that open window you'll pop right back up into it without ever hitting the ground."" The first man looks over in annoyance, thinking the man is screwing with him, ""Bullshit that's scientifically im…

Two men walk into a bar... Two men walk into a bar. The first man says ""I'll have H2O"". The second man says "" I'll have H2O too"". The second man dies.

A farmer forces three men to pick a fruit... Three men are driving and get lost. They are running low on gas and its dark, so they decide to pull over and sleep in a barn until morning. In the morning, the farmer who owns the barn wakes the three men up at gun point angry about freeloaders. The farmer tells the three men, ""I will let you live if you can complete a challenge. Each of you must go down into the valley below and pick ten of one kind of fruit, and come back here for part two."" So t…

Three men appear in heaven at the same time. They approach the pearly gates when they're stopped by St. Peter. ""Woah, woah, woah! Sorry, heaven's been a bit busy today and we're starting to get overcrowded. The Big Man told me I'm only allowed to let people who died sad deaths in today. If you can tell me how you died, and I think it's pitiful enough, I'll let you in."" ""I'll tell my story first,"" says one man. ""So, I'd been pretty certain lately that my wife had been cheating on me. I only …

Don't mean to brag, but...... Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, ""My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."" The second man said, ""My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."" The t…

The FBI had an opening for an assassin... After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: Two men and one woman... For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.. 'We must know that you will follow the Instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .. . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent s…

Two men are going golfing. And the first one notices the second man is only bringing one ball with him, so he says to him ""Are you going to be alright with just that? Don't you want some spares?"" ""No."" Says the second man, ""This is all I need."" ""But, what if you lose it?"" ""That's what makes this ball so great. It's impossible to lose."" ""What? What about if it goes into the woods?"" ""That's fine, It's got a code I've scanned on my phone, so I can always track it. I'll find it in no ti…

Plane over the Jungle There is a plane flying over a vast jungle. The plane is about to crash, so the passengers are instructed to lose some weight on the plane. There are three men in question that day, who each threw over something important to themselves. ""I have too many of these,"" said the first man, as he threw over some suitcases full of clothes. ""I have too many of these,"" said the second man, as he threw over some crates full of fruit. ""I have too many of these,"" said the third ma…

Discussing Funerals Three men are sitting around drinking coffee when a pastor comes up to them. ""Men, I want you to think about when your life ends. What would you people to say about you at your funeral?"" The first man thinks a bit and says, ""I'd like them to say I was a good family man. That I provided for my wife and children."" The second man thinks and says, ""I'd like them to say I was a good Christian. That I read the scripture and lived for the Lord."" The third man says, ""I hope th…