Two elderly couples are chatting over tea. Afterwards, as the women excuse themselves and return the dishes to the kitchen, one of the men turns to the other and tells him about a fantastic dinner he and his wife had enjoyed the other evening. The second man then asks him where they ate. ""Hmm,"" ponders the first man. ""You know that flower... the one with the red petals and the sharp thorns?"" ""You must be thinking of a rose,"" the second man replies. ""Ah yes now I remember. HEY! ROSE! WHAT'…

The Best B.S-er There was a competition between the three best B.S-ers in the world. The first man said, ""My great grandfather was so tall, that he could reach the apples on the top of the tall apple tree without having to stretch."" The second man said, ""My great grandfather was so tall, he would reach up int the sky and re-arrange the stars"" The third man said ""when your great grandfather felt those stars, did they feel soft and sort of mushy? He responded ""yes as a matter of fact they we…

So three elderly men at a rest home are conversing about their age... The first man says, ""When I get up at 6:00 AM, it takes me a half hour to pee."" Second man says, ""You're lucky. When I get up at 7:00 AM, it takes me a straight hour to take my morning poop."" Third man says, ""I piss like a racehorse at 6:00 and crap like a goose at 7:00."" ""Then what's the matter with you?"" asked the other two. ""Problem is, I'm not up until 8:00!""

Two rich men and a terrorist are on top of a building... ...and the two rich men decide that they will each throw a coin off the top of the building, and see who collects it at the bottom. The first man throws a silver coin, but it does not go very far. The second man goes, ""Hah! I bet I can throw farther than you!"" and throws another silver coin, a bit farther. The terrorist says,""I am sure I can throw a bomb farther than the both of you."" He then proceeds to lob his bomb a lot further than…