Wall Street Jokes

Soft on Wall Street. Hard on Sesame Street. Romney 2012.

Why is there a wolf on Wall Street. Animals are bad with money. My cat just lost $80 at high-stakes uno

Just convinced my Mom she won't get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn't see Teen Wolf first. Please play along.

The Wall Street protesters are right... There is no Jobs.

What do you call a street on the Mexican border? Wall Street

Did you know that Lombard street in San fransisco is the second most crooked street in the United States? The most crooked street in the United States is Wall Street!

How come I was wide awake while watching the Wall Street sewuel CAUSE MONEY NEVER SLEEPS!!!

Why does Wall Street call Hillary ""Hillary Vuitton"" instead of ""Hillary Clinton"" ? Because they know she's in the bag ...

CEO Advice A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. ""Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve,"" he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the fir…

Always a new girl This is a story about Paul Desmond, a saxophone player for the Dave Brubeck quartet back in the day. The guys in the band started to notice that Desmond always ended up coming to gigs with a girl, but they never saw the same girl twice. Mostly out of curiosity, one of the guys asked him after a show why he never seemed to stay with any girl for very long. He said in response, ""Oh, women these days will go out with a Jazz guy once to explore their 'artistic side' but they alway…

What is Donald trumps favorite street? Wall Street *badum tshhh*

Wall Street stockbroker loses millions in one day.... So he decides to go to the bar after work to drown his sorrows. He ends up getting really drunk and pukes all over his suit. He's worried his wife will be pissed when she wakes up the next morning and finds his smelly, vomit soaked clothes. His friend at the bar explains, ""Dude, don't worry that same thing happened to me last weekend. I just put some money in my pocket and told my wife some idiot at the bar puked all over me and gave me mone…

Beggars on Wall Street There are three beggars begging on Wall Street. The first beggar wrote ""Beggar"" on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day. The next day, the second beggar wrote ""Beggar.com"" on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ. The following day, the third beggar wrote ""e-Beg"" on his cup. Microsoft, IBM, and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him fr…

What's the favorite dairy product of Wall Street executives? 1% milk

The Wolf of Wall Street broke the record for saying the f-word 506 times The previous record was held by my dad putting together a table from IKEA.

Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up. The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids. The first man says, ""I'm really proud of my son. He started off as a small realtor showing houses every day and working himself to death, but it paid off! Now he owns his own real estate business that has offices across the country. In fact, he's done so we…

I wish these fundamentalists would stop blaming natural disasters on the gays. Everybody knows Sandy happened because of the confluent evils of Wall Street and Jersey Shore.

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. ""Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve"" he said. Well things went along pretty smoothly but six months later sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The…

There are three beggars begging on Wall Street. The first beggar wrote ""Beggar"" on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day. The next day the second beggar wrote ""Beggar.com"" on his cup. After one day he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ. The following day the third beggar wrote ""e-Beg"" on his cup. Microsoft IBM and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him free hardware consultancy. I…

Four guys go golfing. Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up. The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids. The first man says, “I'm really proud of my son. He started off as a small realtor showing houses every day and working himself to death, but it paid off! Now he owns his own real estate business that has offices across the country. …

Young Chuck One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to ra…

A man we’ll call “Egon Tusk” had just become the CEO of a large tech company. The departing CEO left him with three envelopes numbered 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said. Egon made a lot of changes, but six months later revenues had still not picked up and was in fact lower than when he was brought in. Egon was catching a lot of heat. Almost at his wit’s end, he suddenly remembered the envelopes. He opened the first …

What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A large fortune

What movie did Leonardo DiCaprio's dog recently star in? The Woof of Wall Street.

What is Donald trumps favorite street? Wall Street