Saint Peter Jokes

At the pearly gates A minister died and was waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him was a guy in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter asked the guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replied, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, New York City." Saint Peter consulted his list, smiled and said, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi driver entered Heav…

My friend told us the longest joke i've ever heard and i dont even know if it makes sense **A guy was working on his job, then his boss asks him:** *-"Have you ever seen a Penguin?"* *-"I have never seen one"*, **the guy replies** *-"HOW IS IT THAT YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ONE? GO TO HUMAN RESOURCES RIGHT NOW!"* **The guy goes to human resources:** *-"Hello, why are you here?"* *-"My boss sent me here because i have enever seen a penguin"* *-"HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN A PENGUI…

Three men are standing at the pearly gates Saint Peter asks the first one, "Why should I let you into heaven?" The man replies, "Well, I've always tried to be a good husband and father. I never lied and I never cheated." Saint Peter says, "Very well," and lets him through. He asks the second man the same question, to which he responds, "Well, I never killed anybody. And I donated $20 to the animal shelter." Saint Peter lets him through. He turns to the third man and says, "I looked through y…

Politician dies walking down the street... While walking down the street one day a female head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. . “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” “No problem, just let me in,” says the lady. “Well, I’d like to but I have orders from highe…

Three men were killed in a car crash on their way to a conference. They arrived at the pearly gates and Saint Peter met the first man and said, “You lived a good life, were honest in your dealings, generous to others, I will go get you your reward.” He returned in a few minutes with a drop dead beautiful woman and announced, “This is your eternal reward.” Saint Peter then turned to the next man and said, “You were a wicked, cheating, no good man, I’ll be back with your reward.” He returned…

Jesus paid Saint Peter a visit at the pearly gates “How’s it going, Pete?” “Kinda weird. Just had this nice older guy with a guitar come in, he said he was looking for a lost shaker of salt. I said I don’t know where it is, but I thought I saw Mary Magdalene with one. He then just chuckled, said 'I knew it!' and walked away shaking his head.”

Jesus goes to Led Zeppelin concert in hell Jesus hears there is a led zeppelin concert in hell and really wants to go. He asks God if he can go and after some negotiations God agrees but only if saint Peter goes along. So Jesus and Peter go, they have a blast and on the way back Jesus says to Peter: - Wouldn't it be great if we could get them to sing in Heaven also? Can you call them and ask? Peter dials the number, asks, nods a few times, a few "yes", " ok" , " I understand" and hangs up. …

While walking down the street one day a female head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. . “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” “No problem, just let me in,” says the lady. “Well, I’d like to but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day…

A man goes before Saint Peter... Saint Peter asks 'Where were you born?' The man thinks for a moment and says 'Austria-Hungary, Lemberg.' 'Where did you go to school?' 'Poland, Lwow.' 'Where were you married?' 'The Ukrainian S.S.R., Lviv.' Surprised, Saint Peter asks 'Where was your first child born?' 'In the German Reich.' 'And where did you die?' 'At home in Lvov, in the Soviet Union.' Astonished, Saint Peter shouts 'My, you moved around a lot!' 'What are you talking abo…

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle,” he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "Th…

(My Italian relative told me this joke in Italian, hope it pans out in English): A priest and an airplane pilot… A priest and an airplane pilot both die and reach the heavenly gates, where they wait in line to be welcomed and processed by Saint Peter. The pilot goes first. Saint Peter looks at him and checks out his book of life, seeing all his deeds and accomplishments. Saint Peter looks pleased and hands him a silken white robe to wear, and a bright and shiny golden staff to walk with. “He…

A truck driver lives a long, healthy life. After millions of safely driven miles, he dies peacefully in his bed. When he arrives in Heaven, Saint Peter greets him and says the he now may have any rig he desires. The driver describes his dream rig and it immediately appears before him. Saint Peter tells him to drive to the closest truck stop and wait for his load. The driver hops in the cab and heads out quickly arriving at the closest truck stop, and what does he see. Parked semis: Millions o…

Three nuns die in a car crash They ascend to heaven and are met at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. “Before you can enter Heaven you must each answer a question to prove your piety.” He turns to the first nun and asks “How many commandments did God give to Moses?” The nun says “Oh, that’s easy, 10!” Ba Bada Bah! The trumpets blare and the pearly gate swings open. St Peter turns to the second nun, “Name the four evangelists.” “Ha, that’s simple, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John!” Ba Bada Bah! Th…

Two men entered heaven… and Saint Peter said to the first, “Please tell me your name, your occupation, and where you lived during most of your mortal life” the first man replied, saying, “Harry Jones, Taxi Driver, Southeast London.” Saint Peter said, “Ah yes, now take your silk robe and golden staff and enter the holy gates of the Silver City!” Harry then said, “Aw nice one geezer, cheers!” and walked through the golden gates. Saint Peter then said, “And who might you be?” to the second man…

3 Girls die together, & went to heaven Saint Peter said, "We have only one simple rule here. Don't step on the turtles, walk carefully" Girl 1 walks uncautiously and steps on a turtle. Saint peter - what have you done? We are going to give you one of the worst punishments. Girl 1 - It was by mistake, just give me one excuse Saint Peter pretends to not listen and chains her with one of the ugliest man who lived for all of her eternity Girl 2 was being cautious but still due to more density…

A politician dies So a politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name. "So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a day in Hell. After that however, you're free to choose where you want to spend eternity!" "Wait, I have to spend a day in Hell…

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. ""Because you died on Christmas

Four nuns There is a bus crash and four nuns are standing at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter comes out and says

Something elsewhere on reddit reminded me of this old joke. - - - Four nuns are tragically killed in a car accident. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates they find Saint Peter awaiting them.

Three men stand at the gates of Heaven... Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

The New Rule for Entry to Heaven God called Saint Peter to him

Three men died on Christmas Eve. Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said

A couple dies and goes to heaven They are greeted at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. As they are being processed for admission they decide to ask Saint Peter if they can get married in heaven.

Infidelity An older guy walks up to Saint Peter

Bad day Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go thru the pearly gates in heaven. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.