Religion Jokes

the olympics are held once every 4 years.. hell even im not held that often!!!!!

please say a prayer for my coworker. his life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich

Wife: Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! Me: Haha funny. [under the mattress] Bed Bug King: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL *tiny drums bang*

Every time I'm around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.

Hey baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?-How to pick up Satan

"What the hell was that? What the hell was that? What the hell was that?" (Winning Scriptwriter Submission for Ghost Hunters)

I deactivated my Facebook so I won't know if any bible verses are "so true" for a while.

GOD: Peter, you will be heaven's bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don't want ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he'll make you a dog

How the hell does shit hit a fan, exactly? Who is throwing shit around? Why would they do it in a room with a fan? Crazy shit pitchers.

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you.

An entire generation does not know what the hell is happening when a movie pans over to a wall calendar and the pages magically fly away.

I bet Patrick Swayze's "Ghost" ghost & Bruce Willis's "6th Sense" ghost make beautiful pottery together in movie heaven.

The road to hell is paved. That's nice.

*dancing with the stars* *all of a sudden there's a fault in our stars* me(to stars): what the hell guys? we practiced this! *star wars*

[taking communion at church] I'm a recovering alcoholic do you have any actual blood?

My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.

What the hell do you mean Buzzfeed isn't a reliable news source, it knew exactly what kind of pancake I'd be

[wife in labor] *i press play on cassette {Ice Cube - You Can Do It} Wife:WHAT THE HELL Me: sorry hun *ff to {SaltNPeppa - Push It}

The church apparently thinks that gay and lesbian people laying with one another is unnatural. As opposed to walking on water.

[the boss walks by my desk and catches me looking at sonic anime] Me: the hackers are at it again. I was trying to visit church. com

In hell the Mariachi band never leaves your table.

[creating humans] GOD: Make them imperfect... ANGEL: Okay...done... GOD: Now make them apologize to Me all the time for being imperfect.

I want to create a Facebook event called "Shut The Hell Up" and invite everybody.

Hell is probably just thousands of tourists trying to take pictures of you walking a cat.

"Hi yes I'd like to attempt the Cheeseburger challenge" "Very good sir" [ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the kitchen & bodyslams me]