Q&A Jokes

Presidents What's the difference between Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy? One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated.

hey, whats the definition of a will? come on guys, its a dead giveaway

My 7 year old daughter drops this joke on me. What kind of bee's make milk? Boo-bee's

How many introverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Why does everything have to be a group activity? [Thanks to /u/rethnor](http://www.reddit.com/r/introvert/comments/26mqge/joke_how_many_introverts_does_it_take_to_screw_in/)

Why doesn't George RR Martin use twitter? Because he killed all 144 characters -stolen from /r/gameofthrones

3 drunk guys got into a taxi... ...The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and after a few seconds, simply turned it off again. Taxi driver: We have reached your destination! The first guy gave him some money and the second guy thanked him as they clambered out of the car. The third guy slapped the taxi driver across the face. The taxi driver was shocked, thinking the third guy was drunk. Taxi driver: What was that for?? Third guy: Control your speed next time, …

Scientists are cloning John Lennon.. What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons? Imagine all the people..

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowl.

What happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your girl back, you get your truck back, you may even get your dog back.

Why don't blind people go skydiving? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms? One's a Goodyear, and the other's a great year. x/post from r/funny

Gave a homeless guy a dollar and got this joke... What came first - the chicken, or the egg? Neither. The rooster always comes first.

Why do Italian men grow mustaches? To try to look like their mothers.

What is the holiest chord? G sus

What is something that tastes better than it smells? A tongue

What is the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

Why did the skeleton not go to prom? He had no *body* to go with!!! As told by a Professor, in a serious Aerospace class, reading off of Laffy Taffy.

What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some lube

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? I washed my car today and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally, I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women believe that giving birth must be way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer and some heavy deductive think…

Holy Moly! - What's that smell!? A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all lived in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole stuck his head out of the hole, sniffed the air and said: "Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole stuck her head out of the hole, sniffed the air and said” "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby mole tried to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but couldn’t because of the bigger moles were in the way so he said: "Geez, all I can smell is..." Are you sure yo…

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers

My dad's a magician Bob: What does your father do for a living? Joe: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.

DNA What do you get when you mix human and goat DNA? [Kicked out of the zoo.](/spoiler)

How do you titillate an ocelot? Oscillate its titalot

What does a Maple leaf fan do when they win the cup? Turn off their console and go to sleep.