Q&A Jokes

Why don't catholics wear condoms? Because little boys can't get pregnant.

Did you hear about that psychic who performed self-immolation in public today? It's rare to see a medium well done.

What is hairy on the outside, wet and fleshy on the inside, begins with C and ends with T, and has both a U and a N in it? Coconut

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyonce

What did one triangle say to the other triangle about the square? Look out for that guy, he's got another side to him.

What do you get a man who has everything? A good urologist.

What do you call a bunch of Lesbians in a closet? A liquor cabinet.

What does Hodor start off his day with? Raisin' Bran.

What has four wheels and flys? A garbage truck.

What do you call an Eskimo optometrist? ...An optical Aleutian. I actually made this one up. But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised.

What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet? I need to know before my court date on Monday.

How do you get a musician off your porch? Pay for the pizza.

Did you guys hear about the Italian chef who had food poisoning? He pasta way.

How does every racist joke start? By looking over you shoulders.

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? If they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans.

What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework? He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.

Paddy has just correctly answered the £500,000 question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. He has only one question standing between him and the £1m jackpot. "Which of these birds does not live in a nest? A) Thrush, B) Kestrel, C) Blue Tit, D) Cuckoo" Paddy has one lifeline left, phone a friend. He decides to call Murphy, the owner of his local pub. Murphy agrees, and immediately shouts "It's a cuckoo!" Paddy goes with that answer and wins the jackpot. That evening, Paddy was round at Murph…

Why do Asians have squinty eyes? because their future is so bright

How do you keep an idiot busy for hours? [Click here to find out the answer.](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2b57xv/how_do_you_keep_an_idiot_busy_for_hours/)

For all you web developers out there. Why couldn't the div buy a drink? It lacked id. Why couldn't the div find a girlfriend? It lacked class. Why wasn't the div good at diplomacy? Its position was absolute. Why was the div an anarchist? It had no borders. Why couldn't the div play poker? It had 0 opacity.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through t…

Why can't atheist solve exponential problems? Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What do you call an Abortion in Prague? A canceled Czech.

Man visits a dentist with broken teeth Dentist.:- how did you manage to break these three teeth. .? Man:- my wife bakeda bread that was too hard. Dentist.:- you could have refused to eat it Man:- that's exactly how this happened...

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV. Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?" "Do what?" asked Mick. "Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week. No matter if it's oicy, rainin?, snowin?, hailin? .. .. .. why would they torture themselves like that?" "Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros? "Yeah,…