Q&A Jokes

What is the definition of a farmer? Someone who is outstanding in his field. *hehehe* Credit: Laffy Taffy

A blonde goes to buy a TV. A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store. Blonde: I'd like that TV please. Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes. So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store. Blonde: I'd like that TV please. Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't sell to blondes. Amazed she goes out and dyes her hair ginger. She later returns to the store. Blonde: I'd like that TV please. Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes. Blonde: How did you k…

Why aren't lions cannibals? They can't swallow their pride.

Why did the astronomer break up with his girlfriend? He just needed some space.

Two kittens are sitting on a roof. Which one falls off first? The one with the smallest [μ](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friction#Coefficient_of_friction)

What's the internal body temperature of a tauntaun? Luke warm.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word unionized.

What did the laziest man in the world win? Atrophy.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage...

What was the name of King Arthur's fattest knight? Sir Cumference. (He ate too much pi)

One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker? Stranded

What was Viktor Frankenstein's favorite sport? Body building.

Where do you touch a woman to give yourself the most pleasure? The back of her head.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do with most of his time? Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

Why did the superconductor eat all the pudding? It couldn't resist.

Yoda: Why, afraid of seven, five is? Because six seven eight.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag? ...A tea bag stays in the cup longer! #FIFAWORLDCUPBRAZIL

Why didn't Hitler drive a stick shift? Because he hated Stalin

What do you call a flock of crows who are resisting the urge to sin? *A tempted murder*

Heard this while at a Canadian airport. Lady: We're going to the states for a few days. Oldman: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Lady: Why not? Oldman: It's full of Americans.

Wanna hear about the time I got kicked out of school? Everyone knows that kindergarteners are very curious. So back in the day I was peeing at a urinal, and Timmy comes up to me and says, "Whoa, your wiener is huge!" I thought nothing of it at the time. But when we got back to class, Timmy started telling everyone. Within the hour they wanted to see it, so I went to the door to check if any adults were coming, then I whipped it out for everyone to see. Eventually Susan ratted me out, and that's…

How did the Royal Navy attract so many recruits? They were impressive!

Who keeps the children? A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does th…

What did the drowning mathematician say? Logloglogloglog...

Anarchy is bad for you. So there's two guys at a bar and the first one says ##So, how's it been going with your anarchist club recently? ###I got kicked out recently, sadly. ##Kicked out? Why? ###I don't know, I was just following the rules!