Q&A Jokes

Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker? They say he had locomotives.

*Girl attempting to count to ten* girl 1: 1....3....5....7....9.... girl 2: What the hell? Why are you skipping numbers? girl 1: Because I can't even!!!

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her? By rearranging the furniture.

Whats green and fuzzy and can kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table

Why do spiders hate Area 51? It's a no-fly zone.

My mom and I were at church Sunday morning We left the house in the usual hurry. We made it to church and I was felling kinda sick.I told my Mom and she says to go out side the frontdoor and she'd be out to check on me.I was about to spew so I ran towards the door.A few minutes later I returned to my seat.Mom was surprised to see me back so quickly. You didn't make it outside ,did you? Didn't have to Mom ,there was a box by the door that said "for the sick or elderly"

My Dad's bear story. A long time ago, my Dad worked on the Canadian Geographic Survey, which took him into the Rocky Mountains. He told me this story about it. Dad: I was working with my coworker all day, and then we returned to camp and started cooking dinner. The smell must have carried on the wind, and attracted the wildlife, because I turned around, and there was a full grown Grizzly Bear in the middle of the camp! Me: :-O What did you do? Dad: I picked up some shit, and threw it rig…

A salesman knocks on the door and a small child answers The salses man asks, "Is your father home"? "No, he was ran over by a tractor". "I'm sorry to hear that, is your mother home"? "No, she was ran over by a tractor". "Do you have any big brother or sister at home"? "No, they were ran over by a tractor" "So what are you doing here all alone"? "I'm driving a tractor"

Why was the landlord seeing a psychiatrist? He had an apartment complex.

Celibacy (searched but didn't find...) What is Celibacy? Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?” Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't i…

So a man and his father... A man and his father were at the man's house, when his dad notices a bottle on the table. He picks it up and asks, "Hey, whats up with this viagra stuff? Can I give it a try? The man replies with, "Eh, well, you really shouldn't..." -C'mon, just a little, I haven't gotten frisky in a while." -Uh, whatever. Try it... -Great, thanks. If it works well, i'll leave 10$ by your computer in the morning. So in the morning, when the man woke up, he noticed 20$ right next …

Why is René Descartes considered a thinker? Because he is.

A man is offered one wish... A man stumbles upon a lamp and rubs it... same old setup, you know the story - but this time it's different; a genie pops out and offers him just ONE wish. However, there is a condition. The genie says he can wish for anything he wants, but whatever he asks for his wife gets double. "You want a ferrari, your wife gets two... you want a million pounds, your wife gets two million pounds". The man understands and thinks about it... what could he do to maximise the u…

What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEYYYYYEEEEE!!!!!

I asked my phone what its favorite joke was: What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive on time? "One day my prints will come."

Why do women fart after they pee? They can't shake it, so they blow dry it instead! My wife just told me this joke she read somewhere, but I couldn't find it on Reddit! Also, I'm extremely high. [9] Peace be with you.

Did you hear about the cook who stole parsley from his restaurant? They had to [garnish](http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/garnish) his wages.

Why do women like men with moustaches? Because they immediately see something about you they can change.

What do you call two mexican firefighters? Hose A and Hose B.

What is Paula Deens Least Favorite Pokemon? Butterfree

How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon? Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you.

Little Johnny asked god a question. Johnny: Is it true that a billion years for us is just a second for you? God: Why, yes it's absolutely true! Johnny: Is it also true that a billion dollars for us is just a penny for you? God: You're absolutely right! Johnny: Well in that case, may I have a penny? God: Absolutely! Just give me a second.

Why do Communists drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? Because they push two twins together to make a king.

Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind running a 5k, but my friends want to run in a 10k and I don't like 10ks