President Obama Jokes

Topical Jokes for 6/25 (For best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night host) John Boehner has filed a lawsuit against President Obama, claiming abuse of power. Obama wielded his incredible power later that day, when he begged Congress for permission to go to the bathroom. A study of the world's oldest feces, revealed that Neanderthals ate vegetables. But experts are saying the study is a load of crap. In Detroit, a 12-year-old boy who had been missing for a week, was disc…

Obama Golf! (Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to Obama Golf . My name is Trina. How can I help you? (Customer) Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number. (Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of 2014. But I can help you. (Customer) Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls. (Recep…

A large plane crashed... A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm. The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried…

America How to rescue the economy: Dear President Obama, Patriotic retirement: There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations: 1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. 2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed. 3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed. All this and it's still cheaper than the ""bailout"".

Obama in Berlin joke President Obama in Berlin outlining that maybe massive walls and state spying are not so bad after all.

NSA joke I always said President Obama bugged me.

Topical Jokes (5/19) Good evening, folks! It is once again time to relay the jokes. First up, if you're not following this story, you're missing out. The IRS scandal continues to get stickier. According to a White House insider, President Obama learned about the IRS scandal by watching TV news. As shocking as that may seem, it's not near as bad when you learn Biden only found out and understood the scandal once Obama reenacted what he saw on the news with sock puppets. Let's back off the heavy s…

Topical Jokes (5/20) Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started. Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit LaHood's claim that it only took him two strokes to clear the hole 17 bunker. Interesting story, the Dalai Lama recently gave a commencement speech in the US. It was at this University …

Topical Jokes (5/16) Another day has gone by. And, of course, we now have a new set of jokes. Some of these are weirder but let's begin! Inside int'l experts believe that Kim Jong Un may have two babies by two different women. In a quick response to the rumor, President Obama has appointed a new consul to North Korea, Ambassador Maury. More on the international front, David Beckham has announced his retirement. Beckham says he's going to take the time to wind down and chase his true passion, spi…

President Obama is walking through the White House... ...when he passes former President Clinton. ""Bill!"" says Obama, ""what's going on? How is Hillary's head?"" ""Well,' says Bill, ""She's no Monica.""

Dave knows everyone there is to know.... Dave was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I'll know them."" Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"" ""No drama's boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, ""Dave! What's happening?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"" Alth…

Obama has suspended fund raising activities In light of Mitt Romney's recent statements to the press, President Obama has decided to let Mitt Romney do his campaigning for him.

In a new interview, President Obama revealed that his daughter Malia recently went to her first prom. She wore a corsage on her wrist while her date wore a red laser dot on his head.

The U.S. is scheduled to play Germany soon at the World Cup. President Obama and German Chancellor Angela Merkel already have a bet going. The loser keeps Hasselhoff.

President Obama had lunch today with Hillary Clinton. Hillary told the president, ""After phoning my top advisers, I think I'll run for office."" And the president said, ""I know. I listened in.""

President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to ""learn what it means to work."" May I suggest the same for members of Congress?

How amazing would it be if President Obama turned around and said, ""One more thing"" and then revealed the iPhone 5.

Bubba Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. ""Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"" ""Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, ""Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"" Although impress…

The old Priest In Washington, DC, an old Priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his Nurse to come near. “Yes, Father?" said the Nurse. "I would really like to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die," whispered the Priest. "I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the Nurse. The Nurse had the request sent to the President and Congress and all waited for a re…

Wee Joe fae Glasgow... After a disasterous earthquake in New York, a wee man from Glasgow headed off across the Atlantic to aid his American friends in the clean up operation. After many days of making little progress, Joe heard that President Obama had arrived to thank everyone who was digging in. That afternoon Joe felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find himself face to face with the President. "I'd just like to say that your help here is greatly appreciated," Obama said. "Aye, na…

Dear President Obama, I've got a joke for you... I texted it to Angela Merkel. Did you... *get it*?

Obama travels to England to visit the Queen.... As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth…

The Bubba Joke--long Bubba is talking to his friend in a bar and boasts to his friend that he knows everyone in the world. His friend, of course, doesn’t believe him. “If you know everyone in the world, name everyone in this bar.” Bubba proceeds to name everyone—Joey, Rachel, Sam, Johnny, Bart, until everyone is named. His friend is impressed, but then says, “Well, you may know everyone here but you can't know everyone—how about Clint Eastwood? Bubba claims he does. So they go to Clint Eastwood…

President Obama walked into the bank to cash a check... As he approached the cashier he said, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA!!!!" Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because o…

The Comical Conservative President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!" Cashier: "Yes…